tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77601319638624517922024-03-13T07:54:52.067-07:00Baby Unicorn LifeElena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.comBlogger308125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-87155742476514783532018-05-13T10:16:00.001-07:002020-02-06T00:00:30.758-08:00It's been a year. I woke up crying.<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">A year ago I unpublished my blog to get through the journey and very big challenging roller coaster of IVF cycles and procedures. It was mother's day and I woke up crying as I have done on this day for many painful years, and wrote the previous post. Today was no different. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I woke up crying. These are different tears.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I woke up feeling the Baby Unicorn moving in my belly and those were tears of immeasurable joy. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I woke up thinking of all the women in the world who feel pain and deep sorrow for their babies, born, unborn, deceased, twinkling stars in the universe not here on earth with them. These are tears of solidarity and understanding.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="Y0NH2b CLPzrc" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">"Is infertility a common problem? Yes. About <b>10</b> percent of women (6.1 million) in the United States ages 15-44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).</span><span class="wrk6pd" style="background-color: white; color: #777777; margin-left: 8px; white-space: nowrap;">Feb 9, 2018"</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RODixJ6n1c0/WvhtXWsZ1SI/AAAAAAAAYOs/Geuq1IhYARMWwaWayKw4W1Sym8Sm_43gACLcBGAs/s1600/strenghth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="550" data-original-width="367" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RODixJ6n1c0/WvhtXWsZ1SI/AAAAAAAAYOs/Geuq1IhYARMWwaWayKw4W1Sym8Sm_43gACLcBGAs/s320/strenghth.jpg" width="213" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The pain is unexplainable to the other 90% of the world. It's a unique emotional pain that burns through your heart and lingers there waiting to be reignited over and over again by the slightest breeze. I want to remember this pain, but I am starting to forget. I want to release it, but I know I need to hold on to it because it was such a huge part of my strength for so long and if I let it all go, I will miss something so powerful that it kept me going on my 10+ year journey of becoming a mother. I am not the same person as the one that wrote my last blog post one year ago and yet I am the same person because this journey left a scar on my heart that keeps me aware of what real pain is and keeps me compassionate for those still on that journey.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am going to journey back in time eventually I hope but for now I am so happy to report that on November 20th, 2017 1 embryo was transferred and on December 1st, 2017, I found out that it finally worked! That I am going to be a mother, the one thing I have never doubted I wanted my whole life! Thank you for being on this journey with me. I will be livestreaming on Facebook and Instagram every Friday at 4pm Pacific Time and I hope you can join me. m</span><br />
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<br />Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-28591659278268445782017-05-14T09:40:00.001-07:002018-04-16T22:10:10.540-07:00Happy Mother's Day!Every year I struggle on this day. I have written in the past about how Mother's Day affects people, not only with happiness and joy but with longing, sadness, and grief. If you would like to know more, I have two blog posts:<br />
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"<a href="http://thetravelingprincess.blogspot.com/2015/05/when-mother-day-approaches.html" target="_blank">When Mother's Day Approaches</a>"<br />
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As I am still holding on to the hope of becoming a mother, I thought it would be a good time to write an update on my IVF Journey.<br />
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I haven't written for a while for a few personal reasons but I'm happy to announce that some solid decisions have been made and instead of doing a "<a href="http://www.winfertility.com/advantages-frozen-embryo-transfers-increasing-fresh-vs-frozen-ivf-cycles/" target="_blank">fresh transfer</a>" I will be doing a frozen transfer. To sum it up, I will be doing the IVF Cycle with an extra step. My egg donor will be completing her cycle end of May and I will know some time in the first week of June, how many good embryos I have. I will then know how many chances I will have to get pregnant!<br />
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It's a good decision but took some time to make. Now that I know my new path, I am feeling hopeful again. <br />
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I am planning my first transfer end of August. If all goes well, this time next year, I could be a new mommy.<br />
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For now, I'm giving birth to another business for the summer. In case you didn't see, I am opening a pop-up store to fund the Charity Wings Art Programs called ART+SUPPLIES. Yes, I am certifiably insane. For more details see my new <a href="https://www.facebook.com/ArtPlusSupplies/" target="_blank">Facebook Page.</a><br />
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As for the baby journey, I just keep trying to eat healthy, live healthy and stay positive as I mend my heart and plan for whatever the universe has for me.<br />
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SWUsn_kOJMo/WRiF7FvZzGI/AAAAAAAAX2w/d9ppnZKLhO4fHnNIssfMi3aTXYcxWf7lQCLcB/s1600/img_20170419_230654_273_33815608180_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="309" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SWUsn_kOJMo/WRiF7FvZzGI/AAAAAAAAX2w/d9ppnZKLhO4fHnNIssfMi3aTXYcxWf7lQCLcB/s320/img_20170419_230654_273_33815608180_o.jpg" width="320" /></a>If you got this far, thanks for reading, thank you for caring, and never let go of your hopes and dreams!<br />
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#crazycharitygirl<br />
#findingmyhope<br />
#babyunicornElena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-83965253826167352302017-01-17T23:30:00.002-08:002018-04-16T22:10:12.816-07:00Sad UnicornI didn't know if I needed to post this, but then I realized I did.<br>
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Monday January 16th was supposed to be the start of my IVF cycle. I have been doing all the last minute prepping and getting ready for what I have been so hopeful for.<br>
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I had stopped the BC pills on the 12th to regulate my cycle and I was supposed to have started my period. It had not come on the 16th which was suspicious. When I got to the doctor's for my baseline ultrasound, the nurse told me that I have 2 cysts, one on each of my ovaries. They are each about an inch long. This is not good. The cysts are likely from the "mock cycle" that we did to see if I can even carry a child. So it had to be done, but this is the result. <br>
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They drew blood and sent me home. I made it out of the doctor's office before the tears started coming. This news was depressing to say the least. More than that, it was frustrating. Then, that afternoon I got the call.<br>
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My estrogen levels were at 1100. To put that into perspective, they want me to be at 100. The cysts are producing estrogen. So I am back on BC pills to try to get the cysts to go back down. I will be having another ultrasound on Jan 23rd. Wish me luck. I was so hopeful that my body might actually be capable of doing something it is supposed to do in regards to becoming pregnant. This set back, sets me back.<br>
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The weird things is, I had just written <a href="http://thetravelingprincess.blogspot.com/2017/01/the-child-in-me.html" target="_blank">this blog post</a> Saturday, and forgotten to publish it. I was so hopeful that day. Weird. Is this the brick wall slamming down for me to run into when things are going well? I hope not. All I know is that right now, I am a sad unicorn.<br>
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<br>Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-59782177555390779352017-01-17T23:20:00.001-08:002018-04-16T22:10:11.963-07:00The child in me.I have always wanted to be a mother. I wasn't always ready, but I have always wanted it. When I was growing up, my plan was to be married and pregnant by the time I was 25. So 20 years late and I am not where I thought I would be at all.<br />
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I don't know if other people do this, but when I wake up, the first thing I reach for is my phone. Addicted. Yes. I admit it. And the first thing I do is look at the Facebook On This Day post. I open it and start scrolling. Right now, it is Jan so its filled with photos of me at CHA and Art Venture. Im dressed up and having a great time and doing my thing. I love seeing these pictures. </div>
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But the photos I am looking for are the ones of Matthew and Jake. If you knew me during that time, you will know it was the happiest time in my whole entire life. I have never ever felt the kind of love that those two little boys gave me for 2 years. I will never be able to hate Matt because he let me mother his two small children and I got to feel what I was missing and fill that huge hole in my heart for a short time. </div>
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So, at this point in my life. I have switched gears. From all of the sadness, depressed artwork and love of blood and pain, I am moving to my world of rainbows and baby unicorns and looking for a bright sunny sky. The child in me loves this place. The adult in me is teetering on the edge of a precipice, waiting to see if there really is going to be a child in me. I don't know how far I will fall if this does not work. But I know that right now, I am very very hopeful.</div>
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Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-72984790398273002082017-01-09T08:40:00.001-08:002018-04-27T16:02:17.100-07:00This is My IVF Journey.My name is Elena Lai Etcheverry and I am the Founder and Executive Director of Charity Wings Inc. I am on a journey trying to get pregnant and I am sharing this personal experience to hopefully help others know they are not alone, and to bring awareness to infertility and the one in eight couples that have trouble conceiving or sustaining a pregnancy.<br />
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Here is my story.<br />
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The cycle starts Jan 12th and the money is due in a few days.
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If you wish to help, I will be forever grateful.<br />
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/goog_922621974"><br /></a>
<a href="https://www.gofundme.com/ART-for-Elena">https://www.gofundme.com/ART-for-Elena</a><br />
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#findingelena #findingmyhope</div>
Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-80583899317863953312016-12-28T00:32:00.003-08:002018-04-16T22:10:12.644-07:00My Holiday Roller coaster- Searching for a partner<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I had planned to be pregnant before the end of 2016. I just wanted to either know I am having a baby, or start the slow decent into the inevitable depression before I pulled myself up to try again. However, it didn't work out and now I can't do the embryo transfer till first week of Feb 2017. This is literally torture.<br />
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The holidays are already a roller coaster of emotions. This is harder.<br />
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I've been trying for weeks to blog. I hate when I get out of the habit. I spend so much time thinking and realizing that I need to write and then when I sit down, I can't get the words to flow. Tonight I am determined.<br />
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There is something about planning for a baby, that may or may not come, that is surreal and unique. I have finally resigned myself to the fact that I am in for a lot of changes. Not just because of the baby. Not the obvious ones. More because I am finally ready to accept what I have said a to so many people. <br />
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"I would not do what I do (run Charity Wings) if I had children."</div>
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This is the truth.</div>
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So many times my "married with kids friends" have told me that I am so lucky to get to do what I do. I don't deny that at all. My life has been so charmed. I have had the most amazing experiences. Meaningful relationships in my life are plentiful. I have not lacked happiness. So it is with a guilty heart that I even slightly complain about the cards I have been dealt. However, every time my "married with kids friends" say how lucky I am to get to do what I do, and do whatever I want, I tell them not to envy my life. I have no children. I have no husband. I would trade it all, every minute, for the life you have with your family.</div>
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I have been dealing with the "ticking clock" for about 7 years now. I was married when this whole baby challenge started. It sealed the fate of an already incompatible relationship while wreaking havoc on my heart, mind, soul, and sanity. I was ready to be a mother but didn't think anything like this would happen. I didn't know that my body would not cooperate. I didn't know that it would betray me in the simplest most natural task. I am a woman. It is my God Given Right to bear children. </div>
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And I never never never thought I wouldn't be a mother. Never. </div>
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To finally learn, and maybe not for the first time but for the first time that my heart was open to learning, that not being able to conceive did not mean that I couldn't carry a child, well, that is a gift from a friend that I was not expecting. It came to me in a moment that I could hear it and understand it. Somehow the stars aligned that night.</div>
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So full steam ahead I went. And in the process, with all the changes, I am having to face the fact that my words are true. I cannot run Charity Wings and have a child. </div>
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So as I look 2017 dead on, I see that I am on the fast track to change. </div>
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On January 12th the IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) AKA (ART Assisted Reproductive Therapy) Cycle will begin. The cycle will last about 6 weeks from start to finish and in the end I am hoping with all my heart, all my might, all my power to be pregnant.</div>
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So I am searching for the right someone. Charity Wings is looking for the perfect person to take on the operations side of the organization. This needs to be the perfect person. This person will be my partner. They will grow the side of the organization that I, as one person, have never been able to. This place has such amazing potential. Every city needs a place like this. We have so much to offer and I have only been able to tap into the smallest part of it. When I find this person, I will migrate my responsibilities and focus on what I am good at. I will continue to build relationships and raise money and awareness for the amazing programs and classes we offer. I have been doing this job for going on 11 years and it is time. <br />
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The change is coming and I am looking forward to what the next part of this life has to offer.<br />
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Ive raised about 1/2 of the $30,000+ I need to pursue this dream.<br />
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If you want to help:<br />
https://www.gofundme.com/ART-for-Elena</div>
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<span style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "san francisco" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , ".sfnstext-regular" , sans-serif; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: -0.24px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small; letter-spacing: normal; white-space: normal;">My ever after is all I'm after.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "san francisco" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , ".sfnstext-regular" , sans-serif; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: -0.24px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small; letter-spacing: normal; white-space: normal;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "san francisco" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , ".sfnstext-regular" , sans-serif; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: -0.24px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small; letter-spacing: normal; white-space: normal;">Wishing the same for all of my friends and family in 2017. Thank you for reading.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "san francisco" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , ".sfnstext-regular" , sans-serif; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: -0.24px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small; letter-spacing: normal; white-space: normal;">#findingelena #findingmyhope #infertility</span></span></div>
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Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-335214230175262182016-10-29T15:04:00.002-07:002018-04-16T22:10:10.936-07:00It occurred to me yesterday...As I was riding the roller coasters at Disneyland with Paul I realized that this roller coaster ride is not just about me anymore. I post on this blog, and on Facebook etc. so that I can hopefully raise awareness or bring a needed message to someone that it might resonate with, but really, this journey is so much more than mine.<br />
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So, back up a little. I wanted to go to Disneyland with Paul because 1) its always fun! 2) he bought me a pass for my bday last year and we have barely used it. 3) It's fun to watch Paul Malone let his "kid" out sometimes and 4) I am hoping this will apply to me very soon.<br />
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So we went, rode all the roller coasters and it was a very fun day. I did check Facebook a couple of times during the day and I saw that the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10153871474692595&set=a.10150632945192595.385283.567552594&type=3&theater" target="_blank">photos I had posted</a> about my uterine lining measurement was blowing up. Well, for me, 300 plus likes is blowing up!<br />
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So, here I am at Disneyland and all of the sudden I get this feeling like. I might disappoint all these people!!! What if this doesn't work. I already know how I will feel. I just try not to think about it. But what about my village?!?!!<br />
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The way social media has evolved, it really does feel like all of these people are cheering me on as I am battling these demons and holding their breath hoping that the demons don't swallow me up.<br />
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But what if they do. <br />
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Trying not to think about it. <br />
<br />Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-740231951346863522016-10-03T10:34:00.001-07:002018-04-16T22:10:12.361-07:00My 5 day flight.<p dir="ltr">Last Thursday I disconnected from my electronics, social media, family, work, and people I love. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Today I'm driving back to my life a changed girl. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I met these amazing women. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Abby, you're sweet, youthful, and wise beyond your years. Just starting your journey and yet you have already come so far. Let's go to Taiwan together. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Amanda, you are a warrior. Thank you for feeling like me. It makes "me" a thousand times more bareable. You are so so beautiful. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Kolleen, you started my journey by knowing I was scared and pointed it out to the people who needed to know so I could feel safe. I am so grateful for your intuition and nurturing. My red bracelet brought fresh blood to my wounds and helped to heal me. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Melissa, you reminded me that I need to find more time for my body. And that opening your heart is scary and I am not the only one that feels this way. Strong and reserved and somehow still carrying an open heart. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Meredith, you fed my body and soul and I didn't know food could have so much intention before so thank you for teaching me that. I can't wait to eat my vegetable with you again. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Eve, your spirit is sooooooooo soothing. I felt like I was connecting with someone from another world. I admire your heart. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Jennifer/Heather, I loved our walk. I loved our baller jacuzzi time. I loved when you were quiet and when you let lose and said the most amazingly right on things. I will be sending you foxy love on your marathon. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Tonia, you have the patience and heart of a Saint. Thank you for collaborating on my medicine pouch. I will treasure it always. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Jen Lake, San Diego calls us back and I am feeling like the luckiest person because I get to leave here and still see you. Rainbows, unicorns, giggles, and OLSPS . I can't wait to play again. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Denise, my wondeful bed mate. I am in awe of what you do. It's a beautiful thing to heal people through Art. I loved getting your energy while I slept. I think it was just what I needed.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Jeanette, I connected with your energy. It provided so much spiritual guidance these past few days. I feel your pain and I offer up my pain in hopes that you can be soothed at least a little bit. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Christine, every time I looked at you, your ever smiling eyes let me know I was in a safe place. You look at people with kindness and love and exude it. That is such a special gift. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Jen Jen Jen. Your beauty holds no bounds. The fox tail will sit on my baby alter in a place of honor and I will pray for the magic that it holds to join my soul. You guide, I'll follow.</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/--AIg2FWkM6k/V_Kd_Xn6H8I/AAAAAAAAXoI/_g4lNfL6md8/s1600/IMG_20161003_110522.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/--AIg2FWkM6k/V_Kd_Xn6H8I/AAAAAAAAXoI/_g4lNfL6md8/s640/IMG_20161003_110522.jpg"> </a> </div>Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-38378980912153640192016-09-29T09:44:00.002-07:002018-04-16T22:10:11.219-07:00Cry in the shower?Does anyone else do this? Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the GRIEF and HOPE and that the tears just come. They come and they work their way through my whole body and before I know it, I am wracked with sobs that come straight from my broken heart. My broken body has betrayed me and it makes it very very hard to LOVE MYSELF.<br />
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So that even though my mind tells me lots of people love me, I feel completely alone because I don't love myself. </div>
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In my heart I have such doubt.</div>
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Today I am leaving on a spiritual journey. One that I set an intention for at <a href="http://symposium.bravegirlsclub.com/" target="_blank">Brave Girls Symposium</a>. I am going to a retreat where no one knows me, well, other than what they may have read here :) I am going to walk through those doors at 4 pm today and be Elena. Just Elena. I am going to ground myself on my path to have a baby. My phone and computer will be off. I am going to disconnect from this anxiety filled place that I am living in and look for me.</div>
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I don't know what will happen and admittedly I am very nervous. I know I am holding my heart in my own hands and fixing it is all on me. So I am going to try.</div>
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See you on the other side.<br />
#findingelena #findingmyhope</div>
Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-76499340113408615932016-09-13T00:51:00.002-07:002018-04-16T22:10:12.475-07:00I'm like a tornado. The inside spins so fastI don't even know if that is true but I imagine myself like a tornado. The inside of me is spinning so fast because it is in a small space and just like a dog chasing it's tail, I only have so far to go before what I want is right in front of my face again. Unfortunately so is my inadequacy to get what I want. It stares me in the face too many times a day.<br />
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It's like the hope eats me up inside because it is just out of my reach and I literally keep chasing it till I'm frustrated and exhausted.<br />
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And sometimes I get a teeny glimpse of what it would be to get it. I have moments of absolute confidence. Like last week when I went to the doctor and he told me that if I use a donor embryo I would have a 50% chance of success if I used one embryo and if I transferred two, I would have a 75% chance of success.<br />
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I ALMOST PASSED OUT. I teared up and it took all my power not to cry right there because I had so many questions to ask and didn't have time for an emotional break down. But I was DYING inside. HOW DID I NOW KNOW THIS OPTION EXISTED.<br />
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for me.</div>
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That is why when people say, "Adopt" I am not there. I don't see that as an option for me. I have done the research and for what I want, it is not an option.</div>
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for me.</div>
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Ok, so back to my tornado. Inside its like a whirlwind. I can't at all keep up. </div>
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On the outside I am running an art center. I am trying to keep my S#*! together. I am smiling. The world moves slower outside and people can actually see me, the things I do, the things I say, the actions I am taking to find my hope. It's slower and people can see it. They can't see the inside until I share it. So for the other people spinning inside, I share it.</div>
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Not sure anyone buys it but I am trying so hard. I never ever thought I would be doing this alone. And now that I am, I can't believe how lonely it is. It's not like I am some super strong, independent woman who wants to be a single mom. This is the last choice. The only choice I have left. and it is incredibly lonely.</div>
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for me.</div>
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<span style="font-family: "lucida sans" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; font-style: italic; line-height: 26.4px;">The autumn wind</span><span style="font-family: "lucida sans" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; font-style: italic; line-height: 26.4px;"> </span><span style="font-family: "lucida sans" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; font-style: italic; line-height: 26.4px;">by Yuehui Tang</span>Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-29575010518811583822016-09-07T10:55:00.001-07:002018-04-16T22:10:10.653-07:00 The fear of Hope.<div dir="ltr">
Does anyone feel this way? So scared to hope? I made the decision to go <u>forward</u> with this part of my journey again. And I'm scared. What if everything that I've read and researched doesn't apply to me? What if I go in and this doctor tells me that there is no way that I can carry a child? All my hopes and dreams lie in his hands and I'm scared. Here I go.</div>
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#findingmyhope <br />
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Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-71608190405344775542016-08-10T22:53:00.003-07:002018-04-16T22:10:12.247-07:00In a minute...If you don't want to know what hurt looks like<br />
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--------------------------------------------do not read on.</div>
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Does this happen to other people?<br />
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It only takes a minute. The world is all pretty and just floating along and then. </div>
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It just happens. It's like you can't take a breath. There is no wind anywhere to be found. You wrap your arms around yourself to keep all of you from falling apart. You kneel down and your head falls into your lap and you just sit there concentrating on trying to breathe.</div>
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You are having an anxiety attack. Nothing is wrong with you. You know you are totally going to be ok, but in that minute...</div>
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Something hurt you. Something hurt your sense of what is right in the world. Something hurt your reality and here you are. </div>
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and here I am.</div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5jQLth94CGE/V6wS3Ud80mI/AAAAAAAAXkI/RMLwuYGYAmsXP-GzsRO1TweixOEM5-6bgCLcB/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2016-08-10%2Bat%2B10.53.15%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5jQLth94CGE/V6wS3Ud80mI/AAAAAAAAXkI/RMLwuYGYAmsXP-GzsRO1TweixOEM5-6bgCLcB/s200/Screen%2BShot%2B2016-08-10%2Bat%2B10.53.15%2BPM.png" width="136" /></a><span style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;">#findingelena #findingmyhope</span><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5jQLth94CGE/V6wS3Ud80mI/AAAAAAAAXkI/RMLwuYGYAmsXP-GzsRO1TweixOEM5-6bgCLcB/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2016-08-10%2Bat%2B10.53.15%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
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Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-89514426041776722562016-08-07T00:26:00.000-07:002018-04-16T22:10:13.155-07:00The reality is this.I've never had a time in my life when I knew I was going to be alone. <br />
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Since I was a little girl my biggest dream was to get married and have a family. I was the kid that babysat every kid in the neighborhood from the time I was about 12 years old. I was the one that loved babies and that babies loved. I tell people I have a kid aura. That kids know that I will be good to them and care for them. I have prided myself all my life on what a good mother I am going to be.<br />
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Now, as the reality is settling in, I can see that I am going to be alone. I absolutely have to be. I don't mean alone as in without friends or support. <br />
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I mean alone as in without a partner.</div>
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This has never been in my plans. In fact, it was so far from my plans that I have made steps on this journey that have taken me farther from my dream of being a mother because I wanted to do this with a man that would be the father.</div>
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Making the decision to leave my wonderful, safe, happy, sweet relationship and try to have a baby through Assisted Reproductive Therapy, has made me realize that I cannot accept another person into my heart. Because after a lifetime of 2 year relationships, I don't trust that anyone has the same passion for my dream as I do. And this I know is probably the most obvious thing but I have never seen it as clearly as I do right now.</div>
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I'm scared and excited. </div>
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I'm filled with anxiety.</div>
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I'm confused and seeking answers.</div>
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I cry every night and I am not always sure why.</div>
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My heart is open to what will happen next. My mind is focused on what I need to do.<br />
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#findingelena #findingmyhope</div>
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If you want to help:</div>
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https://www.gofundme.com/ART-for-Elena<br />
<span style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "san francisco" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , ".sfnstext-regular" , sans-serif; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: -0.24px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" height="338" title="Click Here to donate!" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="258"><param name="movie" value="//funds.gofundme.com/Widgetflex.swf" /><param name="quality" value="high" /><param name="flashvars" value="page=ART-for-Elena&template=5" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><embed allowScriptAccess="always" src="//funds.gofundme.com/Widgetflex.swf" quality="high" flashVars="page=ART-for-Elena&template=5" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="258" height="338"></embed></object></span></div>
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Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-35954128307200653262016-08-01T10:18:00.001-07:002018-04-16T22:10:11.049-07:00The anxiety and fear are real. But there is hope.I share because I can.<br />
I share as an outlet and a release of all the things that build up inside me.<br />
I share in hopes that I can soothe another heart.<br />
I share to reveal me.<br />
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I am a visual person. So when I am feeling particularly raw, I try to get a physical representation of what that feeling is. I make something or I write it down/blog or I look for a meaningful quote or image. Today I wanted to see what I look like when I am sitting on the floor clinging to myself trying not to let fear and anxiety get the best of me.<br />
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As I looked at the photo, I saw that I was literally clinging to myself. I WANT TO BE CLINGING TO HOPE. I saw that I looked scared. Who is this person who looks so sad and lost. It can't possibly be me. With all the amazing things I have in my life. All the support and love I get to receive from friends and family. But today I am this person.<br />
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I can see it in my selfie.<br />
I can see that I am wearing my turmoil on the outside.<br />
I can see that I do not want to be this person.<br />
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It is a journey. <br />
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And my friends are on it with me. See what my friends did...<br />
https://www.gofundme.com/ART-for-Elena<br />
<span style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "san francisco" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , ".sfnstext-regular" , sans-serif; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: -0.24px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" height="338" title="Click Here to donate!" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="258"><param name="movie" value="//funds.gofundme.com/Widgetflex.swf" /><param name="quality" value="high" /><param name="flashvars" value="page=ART-for-Elena&template=5" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><embed allowScriptAccess="always" src="//funds.gofundme.com/Widgetflex.swf" quality="high" flashVars="page=ART-for-Elena&template=5" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="258" height="338"></embed></object></span><br />
I'm so humbled and honored.<br />
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#findingelena #findingmyhope<br />
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<br />Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-38021523138464251062016-07-29T13:35:00.000-07:002018-04-16T22:10:11.106-07:00I am nervousToday I am nervous. <br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">I have taken a step towards what I hope will allow me to be a mother. Something I have wanted all my life. That was the hard part, now the work begins. </span><span style="background-color: white;">I am going to document my journey through blog posts and videos </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">First, lets talk about ADOPTION. It's not for me.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">People immediately go there when they find out I have not been able to have children. I understand that it is natural to want to provide a solution and help when someone is having a hard time. Especially someone you care about, so I don't get hurt or offended anymore. However, at this time, I am not looking to adopt. I have done a lot of research and the realities of adoption don't fit into my life. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Adoption is not a bandaid that soothes the empty womb. It is an especially wonderful thing for people who are pure hearted and selfless and want to help a "needy" child. I use the word "needy" because that is the word people use with me, "There are a lot of needy kids out there that need a home." And there are. </span><br />
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But for my journey, I am still hoping to carry my own child. This is the first thing I will try.<br />
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MY JOURNEY<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-93l_ImGiYfw/V5utirxmnlI/AAAAAAAAXfg/noWvNyJ-rEEjwKAE_b_MgvmhLIcJdkMvgCLcB/s1600/elemarisa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-93l_ImGiYfw/V5utirxmnlI/AAAAAAAAXfg/noWvNyJ-rEEjwKAE_b_MgvmhLIcJdkMvgCLcB/s200/elemarisa.jpg" width="200" /></a><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IngtZ0oKtBo/V5uvHjIAL4I/AAAAAAAAXf0/7fnYOQ1OUpQgrxh8TfhvdoPTWZfgG1VQACLcB/s1600/elegm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IngtZ0oKtBo/V5uvHjIAL4I/AAAAAAAAXf0/7fnYOQ1OUpQgrxh8TfhvdoPTWZfgG1VQACLcB/s200/elegm.jpg" width="112" /></a><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SOjptSQT1wk/V5uu0U7htgI/AAAAAAAAXfw/-caiezAB_J41JPvPDyAdDAJ6wjJ6CRN5ACLcB/s1600/elejen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SOjptSQT1wk/V5uu0U7htgI/AAAAAAAAXfw/-caiezAB_J41JPvPDyAdDAJ6wjJ6CRN5ACLcB/s200/elejen.jpg" width="112" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">I have a trio of friends that are championing my cause. Marisa, Jen and Ginamarie. I am honored that they are sistering me and being the support I need to find my Hope. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">In March of this year, Marisa put together a Go Fund Me Campaign to help with the cost of getting started. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">It goes against everything inside me to raise money for myself. It makes me extremely NERVOUS to put myself out there in this way and I have a great fear that people will get mad, think this is ridiculous, why should I give her money, who does she think she is, she's not sick, she's not needy.... These are just a few of the things the demons in my heart tell me. </span><br />
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A few days ago when I announced <a href="http://thetravelingprincess.blogspot.com/2016/07/giving-up-something-really-amazing.html" target="_blank">the heart breaking decision to leave a wonderful life with Paul</a>, I wrote Marisa and said, "now I'm ready"<br />
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Since then we have both been doing more research and I have spoken to countless people about the direction I want to go and I have decided that I want to try to carry a donor embryo. This is not just a decision that I made. I have in the past tried many many things to get pregnant. I have been offered surrogacy, sperm, partnership and none of them have worked out. So this decision is made from experience and research and ultimately, I need to choose a doctor and find out if this is even a possibility given that I am almost 45 years old.<br />
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If it is possible for me to carry my own child, I will need help. <br />
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<ol>
<li>My body does not produce enough eggs in a cycle to extract and have a viable set to implant. So I need an egg donor. </li>
<li>I am single, so I need a sperm donor. </li>
<li>The procedures for myself and the donors will cost about $30,000 for one round of IVF. Subsequent rounds are less because egg retrieval, if successful, is only done the first round.</li>
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My wish is that the egg and sperm donors will be someone that I know. I would love to have genetic background information and a connection with the people who contribute to this life I am hoping to have inside me. <br />
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So here it is. If you wish to help, I will be forever grateful.<br />
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/goog_922621974"><br /></a>
<a href="https://www.gofundme.com/ART-for-Elena">https://www.gofundme.com/ART-for-Elena</a><br />
<span style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "san francisco" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , ".sfnstext-regular" , sans-serif; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: -0.24px; line-height: 15.36px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" height="338" title="Click Here to donate!" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="258"><param name="movie" value="//funds.gofundme.com/Widgetflex.swf" /><param name="quality" value="high" /><param name="flashvars" value="page=ART-for-Elena&template=5" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><embed allowScriptAccess="always" src="//funds.gofundme.com/Widgetflex.swf" quality="high" flashVars="page=ART-for-Elena&template=5" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="258" height="338"></embed></object></span><br />
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#findingelena #findingmyhope<br />
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Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-40581658551115193162016-07-25T08:20:00.003-07:002018-04-16T22:10:11.389-07:00Giving up something really amazing because...life.Now, as I am about to turn 45, I am having to make some really hard choices. People always say that Charity Wings is a dream come true for me. In reality, it is an amazing thing and I wake up every day very happy to go to work and do my job, but it is not my dream come true. Running an Art Center has never been my dream. Charity Wings was born out of baby steps and natural progression but it is not my dream come true. <br />
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So, I have made a decision to make my real dream come true and that puts me on a path that I have to start alone. That means without the man that has stood by my side and been an incredible rock for the past two years. It's really hard to let go of something that is basically perfect, but ultimately takes me farther away from my dream. </div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3myCqxNUtn8/V5Yt_svtW7I/AAAAAAAAXfM/CdlXaQiCC08vpCmy3To-mpY3ig_uAylzgCLcB/s1600/PicMonkey%2BCollage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3myCqxNUtn8/V5Yt_svtW7I/AAAAAAAAXfM/CdlXaQiCC08vpCmy3To-mpY3ig_uAylzgCLcB/s400/PicMonkey%2BCollage.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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There is something in this life that I want more than Paul Malone and that is to be a mother.</div>
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This breaks my heart and fills me with sadness. We both know it's the right thing to do. As someone that has already raised a family, it is not his dream to raise another human being and I respect that so much. Our lives are so intertwined, its not the end of our story. We will have an amazing friendship that will last our whole lives. We love each other and that will not change.</div>
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I am not sure of many things. I don't really believe in absolutes. There is just one thing in this world I know without a doubt and that is that I am meant to be a mother. I don't know how to make that desire go away. I cry for that child that my human nature and internal clock have been at war for. If I could just let the dream go, I wouldn't have to give up on the most beautiful relationship I could imagine at this point in my life.</div>
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So for now, I will walk the empty halls of my home and mourn for the relationship I am giving up for the relationship that I have to find. </div>
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#findingelena #findingmyhope</div>
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Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-38146309440244548852016-07-12T19:09:00.002-07:002018-04-16T22:10:11.162-07:00A Story of Buttons<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="ph24" data-offset-key="an1uu-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; letter-spacing: -0.24px; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WxYuMNREcHw/V4WgmLcUS7I/AAAAAAAAXdk/A25P_wlbRl0oqIn3MzxHEMZFJq-iCtFuACLcB/s1600/20160712_111630.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WxYuMNREcHw/V4WgmLcUS7I/AAAAAAAAXdk/A25P_wlbRl0oqIn3MzxHEMZFJq-iCtFuACLcB/s320/20160712_111630.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.24px;">I went to Brave Girls Symposium last week planning to do exactly what I do at every event, be Elena from Charity Wings and talk to people about my charity. As I was packing, I realized that I actually would really love to be there as just Elena. So for the first time in a very long time. I packed my suitcase without wings, without outfits that would make people "see me", </span><i style="letter-spacing: -0.24px;">without even business cards</i><span style="letter-spacing: -0.24px;">, and took off for Boise. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.24px;">What</span><span style="letter-spacing: -0.24px; text-align: right;"> I didn't realize I </span><i style="letter-spacing: -0.24px; text-align: right;">had</i><span style="letter-spacing: -0.24px; text-align: right;"> packed was what I have not been able to unpack in years: Fear, Anxiety, Jealousy, Shame, and a host of other things that women carry around.</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-52AAOq2xtVQ/V4Wk-4z5nrI/AAAAAAAAXeE/vreltkqYXD8hCy6gD1z4tBxNjNAr5f3VQCLcB/s1600/wingsdown.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-52AAOq2xtVQ/V4Wk-4z5nrI/AAAAAAAAXeE/vreltkqYXD8hCy6gD1z4tBxNjNAr5f3VQCLcB/s320/wingsdown.jpg" width="257" /></span></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.24px;">So off I went with my luggage and a smile, to what would be a life changing event. This post is just about the buttons but I am going to post about my journey and I am going to share, because that is who I am, and those that can must, but let me preface here that I have been at the edge of "I can't do this, this way anymore" for a few months now. And have done a ton of soul searching and self reflecting in the process. So being at Brave Girl Symposium was just literally exactly what I needed to push me off the edge and allow me to take a leap into the light that I absolutely needed to take</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.24px;">But this life changing experience will come out of me onto my computer in parts and this is just page one of the story....</span></div>
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<b style="letter-spacing: -0.24px;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Page 1: (the easiest to share) "Did I give you a button yet?"</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.24px;">I think I might have become known as the girl with the buttons at Brave Girl Symposium. I walked around handing these out to everyone I could, even guests and employees at the hotel. My friends (many of them new) would walk behind me and just laugh and smile as I did "my thing" and ask every person, " Did I give you a button yet?" By the end of the event, lots of them replied, "Yes and I love it." or "Yes, I am saving it for my daughter or friend." And I would offer them another button and say, "Then you get a bonus button!" It was so fun. I was just handing out buttons, being ME!! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.24px;">These buttons were a gift in so many ways!! They were a gift from the amazing artists that donated their artwork and allowed me to make buttons out of it. They were a gift to the beautiful souls that I got to meet and give a little gift to. Some people asked me if it was my artwork, and I shared that they were original artwork donated to Charity Wings by amazing artists from all over the world. It was nice. I would say, "you can look me up if you like" if they asked more about them but basically, w</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.24px;">hat these buttons and these amazing women who let me share their artwork did was <b>allow me to be Elena and do the things I love, meet people, give gifts, and make people smile. </b></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.24px;"><b>It was a perfect fit as far as small steps go. I still got to be me. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.24px;">I did talk about what I do to people that I got to know better. Like my new Council, The "Cookoo Clud." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.24px;">-Reserve that for another post :) but mostly, I just gave away little gifts that make people smile and feel special. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.24px;">I went to this event with a plan to open my heart to change. As I started to let down the #crazycharitygirl veil that I hide behind every day, I think I let people see part of the real me for the first time in a long time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.24px;">So I have a new hashtag for this part of my journey through this amazing charmed life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">#findingelena</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.24px;">Here we go! </span></div>
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Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-3344859336355883172016-03-27T10:20:00.000-07:002018-04-16T22:10:10.880-07:00I've been encouraged to write on my blog. I am motivated but I am sitting here looking at a blank page. <br />
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Writing on my blog means going "there" and "there" is the every present, relentless, ruthless, pain of being childless that just won't go away!!!<br />
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There is something special about denial. It lets you get through the day when all you want to do is crawl in a dark hole and scream and cry till your eyes close shut permanently with your tears. This is how I feel inside. You would not know this because I smile. I say the things I am supposed to say. I play nice with the world because I am here and I am not a coward so I will not take this life for granted. It's an amazing life. Filled with the highest highs and conversely, the lowest lows. Those lows live in my heart. So don't worry. I don't feel this way all the time. <br />
It's only when I let the vail of denial slip down.<br />
Just to take a peak.<br />
Just for a few seconds.<br />
That this happens.<br />
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And the bad part about that is that I can't act on what might possibly make me better. I can't bring myself to go through one more round of failed fertility treatments. I can't bear the thought of being in such despair and so non-functioning as a human that I let this self pity lead me away from what I really really really want.<br />
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I want the challenge to give me hope, to make me strong but it doesn't.<br />
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It's hard to be strong when your body is the only body you have and it just won't ...<br />
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If I could do something.<br />
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Maybe I am looking at this all wrong. I am not sure. Maybe because I am so wrapped up in my failure I can't see straight. It would be different if I were not going through this alone. It would be different if I wasn't sacrificing the happiness I have now for a possibility at happiness. Ah, so there it is. The unknown. That is what scares me the most. So as I sit here writing and having my own pity party, I find my truth.<br />
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<strike>I am scared of the unknown.</strike><br />
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No, wait a minute. I am not. This doesn't make sense. I am not scared of the unknown. <br />
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<strike>I am scared of trying again.</strike><br />
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Wait. am I being honest with myself? <br />
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I don't want to spend $15,000 on failed fertility treatments.<br />
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Getting closer. <br />
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I would have to give up Charity Wings to work on something that will make money so I can save money to spend $15,000 on fertility treatments that might not work and by the time I am able to save that kind of money I would be an even smaller statistic of success stories.<br />
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Oh. Did I just say that? I'm so confused.<br />
<br />Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-30778359159183811162015-06-05T09:43:00.001-07:002018-04-16T22:10:10.709-07:00I can't find the right group.<p dir="ltr">I'm trying to find peace. I've searched high and low for a local support group or network of people who have been unable to have children. I'm not talking about the people that are struggling with fertility. I've been one of those too and there are actually a lot of groups out there supporting people who are giving themselves shots every day, popping tons of pills, and forking out tens of thousands of dollars to try to have a baby. It's awful. I've done it. So I feel for those people, having been one. But now I'm on the other side of that. Not on the other side of the pain but on the other side of that journey because I can no longer try fertility treatments. I'm looking for people who have not been able Key word "able" not "didn't want" to have kids. Does anyone know of a group like that. Whatever the reason whether it be because, fertility treatments didn't work, or because they never found that special someone to have a baby with, or it just never happened, whatever the reason. I'm looking for people like me, that I can talk to who I can maybe even help through healing arts. But that definitely want and need to share. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Do you know anyone like me? Are you like me? </p>
<p dir="ltr">Please don't send me emails or messages about adoption. I am so grateful to those of you that have reached out to me in that way and shared your stories of adoption success. I think that is very special . Adoption is not something I'm considering right now. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Thanks for reading :) <br>
Elena@charitywings.org </p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Odzhw-fEk10/VXHR8KjvbVI/AAAAAAAAUD8/UqOOdDW4WNM/s1600/IMG_8590.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Odzhw-fEk10/VXHR8KjvbVI/AAAAAAAAUD8/UqOOdDW4WNM/s640/IMG_8590.jpg"> </a> </div>Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-29385393783797308232015-05-08T09:35:00.001-07:002018-04-16T22:10:10.597-07:00When Mother's Day approaches . <div dir="ltr">
It is the day to honor my mother who is the pillar of decency, hard work, goodness, support, and love, and I admire and honor her everyday.</div>
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<br /></div>
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But every year around this time I get completely schizophrenic because this is the day that I have spent years wishing could be my day too. I posted about it a few years ago. And this year with my body changing because time stands still for noone, and the hope of having my own child come out of my own body going away (please do not write me about adoption please) I see that this day will never be one where my own child writes how much they love and respect me and how much I guided and loved them into the person that they are.</div>
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It's the little things that make us the craziest isn't it. I guess for me this is just the biggest thing. </div>
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If you want to know something about what it's like to be childless on mothers day click this link. </div>
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<a href="http://thetravelingprincess.blogspot.com/2012/05/few-weeks-ago-it-was-week.html?m=1">http://thetravelingprincess.blogspot.com/2012/05/few-weeks-ago-it-was-week.html?m=1</a></div>
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Thank you for reading and for your friendship and support. I know I am not alone. </div>
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Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-12781987039081464382015-04-23T13:10:00.001-07:002018-04-16T22:10:10.043-07:00What gives your life meaning? (WGYLM) <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-BCNja9xRd4Y/VTlRqfrriEI/AAAAAAAAT_s/R5EgVrsYrRM/s1600/20150423_125624.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-BCNja9xRd4Y/VTlRqfrriEI/AAAAAAAAT_s/R5EgVrsYrRM/s640/20150423_125624.jpg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-BUIEdRglIyg/VTlRsyTlEzI/AAAAAAAAT_0/IYPKawagEkE/s1600/20150423_121321.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-BUIEdRglIyg/VTlRsyTlEzI/AAAAAAAAT_0/IYPKawagEkE/s640/20150423_121321.jpg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-kvX5VY17B9M/VTlRwjLav2I/AAAAAAAAT_8/UlaFbk2e4Is/s1600/20150423_125307.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-kvX5VY17B9M/VTlRwjLav2I/AAAAAAAAT_8/UlaFbk2e4Is/s640/20150423_125307.jpg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-SU-a2hXR25w/VTlSWA5GKSI/AAAAAAAAUAE/1cec_i8TA1w/s1600/20150423_114605.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-SU-a2hXR25w/VTlSWA5GKSI/AAAAAAAAUAE/1cec_i8TA1w/s640/20150423_114605.jpg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Xisuh_sO-t4/VTlSX9zv8JI/AAAAAAAAUAM/m-24TPmEQ0o/s1600/20150423_115228.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Xisuh_sO-t4/VTlSX9zv8JI/AAAAAAAAUAM/m-24TPmEQ0o/s640/20150423_115228.jpg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-yBB2bl_ZCdE/VTlSZQwkO8I/AAAAAAAAUAU/MlL-PNNynQw/s1600/20150423_125248.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-yBB2bl_ZCdE/VTlSZQwkO8I/AAAAAAAAUAU/MlL-PNNynQw/s640/20150423_125248.jpg"> </a> </div>Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-50223741298977841212015-03-23T08:39:00.001-07:002018-04-16T22:10:11.591-07:00Sadie's 10th birthday party. <div dir="ltr">
What a super fun time these girls had at Sadie's birthday party. 18 kids decensed on the Center this Sunday and The awesome Kelly wowed them with polymer clay techniques and guided them to make beautiful flowers. It was so great to hear the collective "wow" as the clay color became veriaggated and another as the cane was coming together! </div>
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We havr the best events! Host your party here! It's always fun and always a hit! </div>
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Click here for more info<br />
http://www.charitywings.org/private-parties-and-gatherings/</div>
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Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-84544912669932761872015-03-11T11:27:00.001-07:002018-04-16T22:10:12.873-07:00Dear Artists, Crafters and Scrapbookers...Dear Artists, Crafters and Scrapbookers,<br />
<br />
Imagine<br />
<br />
A place where you can gather and be inspired regardless of what medium, technique, form, style or genre of creativity you choose.<br />
A place where you can come alone and create with little interruption, or with friends and share and enjoy the company.<br />
A place filled to the brim, with every kind of supply, tool, and technique readily available.<br />
A place supported by The Community, Manufacturers, Designers and Artists that believe in sharing the gift of Art and Creativity.<br />
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Now imagine this place is not just for creating but also for giving.<br />
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This place brings together people from all walks of life, facing all kinds of adversity, from all over the world with one purpose...<br />
<br />
...To experience the joy of exploring your creativity.<br />
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This is what I am trying to build for you. I can't do it alone. But I can do it with an army of creative minds that believes in the mission and take a little time to help spread the word.<br />
<br />
Spread the word.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-68521179196222251582015-03-11T11:25:00.001-07:002018-04-16T22:10:12.190-07:00ALS ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE FINISHED! Elena Lai Etcheverry of Charity Wings ALS Ice Buc…: http://youtu.be/vRY7h9hZQMAElena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7760131963862451792.post-24157076076339135482015-03-11T11:25:00.000-07:002018-04-16T22:10:10.304-07:00Adoption and the truth<div dir="ltr">
I realized after my last Facebook post about infertility a lot of people have a bit of a <span style="font-size: large;">misconception about adoption</span>. Adoption isn't always an option for people who have not been able to get pregnant. </div>
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Here is a list that might help those of you that want to support your friends that are struggling:</div>
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1. <b>Adoption is very very expensive.</b> Some of us have spent tens of thousands of dollars on fertility treatments. For some of us, we have gone in to serious debt or spent our life savings or a huge part of it already. Now some of you may be thinking, <span style="font-size: large;">"Well, if you have a kid, that will be very expensive too" </span>YES. I know this but getting pregnant naturally is A LOT less expensive. and natural. You are not getting stabbed poked and prodded and forcing what is supposed to come natural. (ok. save that for another post) In fact, other than the money you might have spent on that vacation or those drinks, it was probably free. :) I know kids cost money but it is very different to pay for a child's living expenses and save for a future for them, then to have to fork out another $10 or $20K to adopt a child. I personally have paid for very "pregnancy friendly" health insurance for many years in hopes of getting pregnant. I wish health insurance would cover adoption, God knows it is a mental health issue, but it doesn't.</div>
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2. <b>Adoption may not replace the desire to be pregnant and give birth to a child. </b><span style="font-size: large;">There is something very real about the innate animal instinct to bear children. </span>Not everyone has it, but for those of us that do and can't it's excruciatingly painful. Having gone through the amazing roller coaster of pain and emotional stress of infertility treatments, some people are not ready to go through the emotional roller-coaster of adoption as well. For some people knowing that adoption is an option does not alleviate or replace the desire to have your own child.</div>
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3. <b>Adoption to single parents. </b>As a single woman, I have the hurdle of trying to adopt alone. </div>
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<li style="box-sizing: border-box;">In a study undertaken by the Los Angeles Department of Adoptions, researchers found that single parents tended to have <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">more difficulties</span> in completing their adoptions. Thirty-nine percent had made <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">three or more previous attempts</span> to adopt, compared to only 18 percent among the couples.<em style="box-sizing: border-box;">(Feigelman and Silverman, 1997) </em></li>
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Now this statistic is a little old and progress has been made but I have done my research and it is still preferable for agencies to place young children with 2 parent families. If you want to adopt a special needs child, or an older child, this option becomes more viable, but if you are looking to adopt a new born or infant, and have the experience of having a child from birth, the percentage drops significantly. Also, adoption is another emotional roller-coaster. You have to be prepared to be picked over with a fine tooth comb. Important, YES! but still another thing that natural parents don't have to go through and may not understand. I think some parents should have been scrutinized before allowing them to procreate but again, that is another blog post.</div>
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4. <b>Life still goes on. </b>Adoption is a process and during the time that someone is trying to get pregnant and going through the hell of not being able to, life goes on. You try to build a life for yourself with the thought that you might never have a child. I am going to speak for myself now and say that I built an organization in the time that I was trying to get pregnant. It grew just like a child would have grown and now if I was to become pregnant, I would have to change a lot of things that I am doing to grow Charity Wings. I am no longer married and would be raising a child on my own. I WOULD ABSOLUTELY CHOOSE MOTHERHOOD OVER THIS LIFE. But I also have committed myself to the people I serve through this organization and deciding to adopt is not a decision I would take lightly <span style="font-size: large;">nor could I "just adopt" as many people tell me to do.</span></div>
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<b>So why do I feel sad and why do I post about being infertile?</b></div>
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Because there are so many people out there suffering like I do. Just because I am not ready to go the adoption route alone right now, does not mean I don't think about it every day.<br />
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And if I am being completely honest... </div>
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Sometimes I feel like maybe, just maybe, I don't deserve to be a mother. And sometimes, just sometimes, I feel like people look at me and think that same thing. </div>
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These thoughts are haunting and they come from a dark place inside me. I don't know them to be true but I have them all the same....</div>
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So if you hear of someone suffering from infertility. Just hug them and say, "I'm sorry'. </div>
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Elena Lai Etcheverryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11321898617082859981noreply@blogger.com1