art art art! I have to make more!

BUT FOR NOW...
My darling friend Christa Krais designed an awesome badge for Charity Wings!   Do you love it??  I do!!

Charity Wings

And we are doing a giveaway on the Charity Wings blog...just for adding the badge to your blog or website...

Will you help me spread the word?

Where do I go from here?

How do I separate myself from Charity Wings/Scrapbook Royalty.  I need to somehow but don't know how. Its like the charity is my child that I literally birthed and I have no way to separate myself from it nor do I really want to.  It has taken over my life and my identity and I don't want to be lost in it.  But I also love what I do.

Money, I hate having to earn a living. and in the end I have to.

I think, after getting advice from two good friends, Suzi and G, that I have to go back to my art. I miss it. I miss making pretty things and crazy things. I get to once in a while but not much and I miss it!! I remember when my whole life was about making art.  And then it turned into a business and now... did I say I miss it?  I DO!

So how to get back to it?  I think the first step is coming.  I am scared that I am at another cross roads in my life but heck, I've been here before so here goes nothing!

I made this banner for Serendipity Studios. She made a kit to support Charity Wings...Im so excited about it!  Its not totally done yet but here is peek. Iwill figure out where you can buy it.  I added my own stuff and used wood as the base but the kits is super super cute!

It was crafty fun and I am so glad I took the time to do it!

I can't take it anymore...

The Japan 9.0 Earthquake and subsequent tsunami have me really sad these days.

There are more than 18,000 people dead.  I can't believe that.  What a horrible way to die and such a horrible way to lose your family and friends.

There are almost 1/2 a million people living in shelters!  I just can't believe it!!

But I have the power to do something so here is what I am doing...

CHARITY WINGS FOR JAPAN  (Im making a picture to go here) wait and see!

Would love your support.  I've created an opportunity for your to give... and you can win awesome stuff in the process.

Let's make a difference!

Do you know the way?

Some people are so sure they know exactly what you should do. Its so clear in their minds, what you need to do to make something happen.  but I am never

rain and rainbows.

So I have to tell you, I am really really lucky to have GK, JT, AB and SR as friends.  I thought I was going to die from anxiety yesterday.  I actually talked to these people almost all day. It was nuts. I alternated between crying, working and talking/crying on the phone.  I really thought I was losing it.  In the end everything came together and it was like I had 4 angels on my shoulders talking me down.

The conclusion is...

Somehow I have to make myself believe that I deserve to be happy. I know that happiness is a choice.  Even though I have made some mistakes I should still allow myself to have dreams.  I gave up for a while.  They were hiding.  Well, they seemed impossible really.  and I put myself in the place where they were not even a consideration anymore.

 


but today I feel like I can hope.
just a little.
and maybe tomorrow I will feel like I can hope a little more....

Baby steps.


 

it still gives me anxiety to think about it now.  It brings tears to my eyes just to feel the unknown take me over again.  I have to let go, let happiness happen if it is going to.

but I'm terrified.

happiness comes with pain and I just don't know how to go there again.  im trying.

With decisions comes a little rain

One decision down. 
Now I just have to deal with the consequences. 
My heart is so sad and I feel such a huge loss but I am doing the right thing for myself and I have to trust that.

If it is meant to be, it will.

There are so many things I need to decide on right now.  I have this vast open field in front of me and I just want to run in it and twirl and do cartwheels and play but instead I have to focus on the pile of wood that needs to be chopped and stacked, the bales of hay that need to be put out to feed the cute little piggies and the crazy dog that is barking and needing my attention.

Do I play? or take care of business.

Ok, so this is not my life, this is not even close to an analogy but yet, I can relate.  I feel like I have these never ending "chores" when it comes to making my life great.  And then I look around and I see that it is already great.  That what is happening is exactly what is supposed to happen right now.

That even though I feel lost and overwhelmed by the decisions I have to make,

whatever the decision is, it is what is meant to be.

This is how I make it through the day and face that field.

As happy as I am.... and I am a Happy People.

As happy as I am, I still feel like a wounded bird.
My broken wing flaps but I can't fly.

The fear that grips me when I think of ever going to that "place" again, is debilitating.

The anxiety,
     the emptiness,
          the darkness,
               the sadness,
                     I just don't think I would survive this time.

And scared as I am, I have hope that someday I will let it go and be free.

Why I am doing it...

People wonder why I host charity events and what is in it for me.  I have to say -it is just what I was put on this planet to do. I found my calling and as weird as it is, my calling is to do charity work.  I have volunteered for my non profit, Charity Wings aka Scrapbook Royalty for the past 4 1/2 years. Its been an amazing journey and right now I am just hoping I can keep it going. I must admit, it has grown beyond my wildest dreams as well as beyond my capabilities.  There is so much more to running a non profit organization then just doing good deeds.

So I am asking you, my friends to please support what I do.

I do not get paid
I do not do this to promote myself
I do not do this for pats on the back
I do it because this is what I was put on this planet to do.

Our next big effort is coming up very very quickly.  Sadly, the support on this event from the community has not been as strong as I had hoped.  We put so much into these events. We have amazing manufacturers and designers on board but for some reason, I just couldn't convey the message about this event.

So I am going to try one more time here on my blog...

This is a charity event to raise money and awareness for Crops of Luv. This wonderful organization makes memory books for children with critical illnesses.  Some of these children win the battle and some of them die.  Either way, the families have this amazing gift of love and rememberance for this time in their child's life.  Its is an amazing testament of love and compassion to take someone's photos and document their life. These women do this as a free service and I want to help them.

You can be a part of this.  Here is how...

• Sign up for LIVE at CHA. Its a online event. all you need is the internet and you can participate. 
• Make a donation through our website
• Participate in the online auction. I will be posting auctions on my fb, and blog and more...Jan 29,30, and 31st.  so keep and eye out 
• Help spread the word about the event. You can download one of the two flyers below here add them to your blog, newsletter, email it out, facebook, twitter... anywhere you can and link back to our website so they can sign up.
• We also have a little blinkie that you can pull from the blog on the right.

Flip-Pal winner!!

and the winner is...

Allyson Evers!

 CONGRATULATIONS!!  I HAVE YOUR FLIP PAL FOR YOU!

this raffle raised a whopping $460 for Charity Wings!  we try to do raffles every month and all of the money goes to supporting us so we can support you!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

We are raffling off a Flip-Pal Mobile Scanner! for just $5 a ticket!

Want one of these babies! they are amazing and everyone needs one!! Just go to the Charity Wings Website and get your tickets today!

Drawing to be held on December 21st, 2010, just in time for Christmas!!

Leave a comment here about my first video :) and get a bonus ticket!!

Seaside Soiree...

The Seaside Soiree was amazing! It put me behind on opening my matchboxes tho!

and tomorrow is my bday so I am hoping i will be able to get caught up on the goodness of the 23 days of Christmas swap tomorrow!

I will be posting photos. my stuff is scattered i 5 different cars right now! so crazy!

25 Days of Christmas

Today is the first day of the 25 days of Christmas Countdown!

I joined an awesome swap (A Swap for all Seasons) and what I had to do was alter 25 little matchboxes and put a gift inside each one and number them. Then I got 25 boxes back in the mail and today was the first day to open!

So my box today was from Hope Griffin and she lives in the UK somewhere.

The box is just too cute and has a really cute little embellishment inside.

I just went to Hope's Blog and she started from #25 and she opened 2 today. One of them is mine! Can you guess which one? :)


I can't wait to open the rest of them!