40 and still searching...

Well, I did it!  I turned 40 last week and it was a blast!  I have to say I got lots of advice about how the physical changes are hard but that the emotional and spiritual place is great.  I loved that.  The physical changes are hard.

I found a nice little grey hair yesterday. and pulled it thank you very much.  That makes 6 this year!  How many can I pull before I have to start dyeing it?

But besides all that, the parties were awesome. My Disney Birthday parade was great.  Santa Clause said happy birthday to me as he does every year :)  My family and friends were so generous.  I can't believe how lucky I am.

And the best advice I got?  was from my Yogi tea bag...

AND THAT IS JUST WHAT I AM GOING TO DO!

2012 HERE I COME!!!

Oh boy... really?

The price of happiness- and my friend Jen Cushman in SD.

I have found in the last year that everything has a price.  Happiness and being a Happy People does not come free or cheap! What does it cost?  Lots and lots of hard, painful, tear-filled life lessons!


Matt and I had to fight our way to each other. Even though we went to Jr. High and High School together and our parents still live in the town we grew up in, we didn't know each other till just this year. Some of you know what ups and downs my life has had, nothing significantly different than the next person, but some days were filled with so much pain and depression I really did wish I was dead.  And I married the person that I thought I could make be my soul mate even though I knew in my heart that he wasn't and Matt did the same.  And it took all of that, all of those sad moments and happy ones to get us to where we are now. 


So...after paying some dues, I have finally found a person that is a perfect fit for me and it was all worth it.  He says things that I need to hear.  He looks at me with this look of pure adoration and I can tell that he just feels lucky to have found me.  I know its gag barf gooey sappy gross but I just love him.  

The past was an amazing gift to get me to now and the future looks blissful....

Now, on to what I got on my blog to write about... My awesome friend Jen Cushman is coming to town!!  She is teaching at the Charity Wings Seaside Soiree and she is doing a little bonus class the day before at Gee Gee's Stamps and Stuff in Carlsbad.

Look at the amazing samples she made.  You get to personalize them and make them your own.


I hope you can come!  11 am till 1 pm this Thursday.  Class fee is $50 + a $10 material fee which includes everything!


Ready, Set, Resin! 
 

Turn your eye for design into fabulous and unique jewelry. During class we will use handcrafted bezels, oodles of images, ICE Resin (a non-toxic  jeweler's-grade resin) and the most important tool of all -- your imagination to make a trio of resin pendants. Learn how to properly mix and pour a two-part epoxy resin, add color if you so choose, embed small objects like rhinestones or beads, how to work with a backless bezel and blinging it up with glitter. The images are idea samples of what you can create, but students will personalize their pendants to fit individual art style and tastes.

Jen is super super awesome and she is such a sweet person. I am so lucky Sheila ran into her on the shuttle bus at CHA and we all became friends!

Call the store to sign up. 760-729-1779 Seats are limited to 10 peeps!

Guest Curator on Crescendoh.com

Jenny Doh is an amazing influence in the art community and I am so lucky to know her.  When I first met her she was not what thought.   Her perfectly put together appearance and super super smart Asian brain may make her seem all business, or maybe she just seemed that way to me, but she is an incredibly soulful, generous, giving person.

Jenny and I at Brave Girls Camp showing how Asian girls know how to clean a plate!

I've had a few opportunities to hang out with Jenny and I have to say, each time I get to know her a little better and she completely destroys my preconceived ideas about who she is.  Well, if you know anything about her, it is kind of like meeting "art royalty"  :) she will die laughing when she reads this of course.

But in the end, she is someone that has really helped me with Charity Wings. Given me good advice, even made us one of the charities of choice for 2010 for her company Crescendoh.com

I encourage you all to check out this amazing site. Its full of stories, creativity and inspires me every time I visit.

This week I am one of the guest curators.  You can read my Art Saves story here...

  

please leave a comment if you have time :)

Its kind of a pull your hair out moment ....

 Its like I know that I am supposed to be running this organization and making a difference through what I do best but I can't seem to get others to understand what that is.  ha ha universe. funny joke... I'm not laughing really.

I just am not sure I am doing the right thing anymore.

I keep coming up with ideas and way to sustain this organization and I spend a ton of time and energy and other people's time and energy to put together these great plans that sound like they will work and be well received and we get all excited and a huge fire gets going but then....

(image: a tiny little wisp of smoke going up in the air)....

It makes me think that my ideas just aren't very good.

Please don't tell me it is the economy.  I know that budgets are tight but I see people spending money, big sums of money on things that they want. And its relative.  How many Starbucks are there in the world?  Seriously,  If you want it, you figure out how to get it.  That is the bottom line.  And because my events have the word "charity" tied to them, it is not at the top of too many lists.  Even though my events are awesome!  Or so people tell me, and they get tons and tons for the money they pay or donate.... but it just doesn't seem like enough.

And it makes me feel like I am not doing the right thing.

Im really confused. I wish I could live on good deeds alone.  I wish I could win the lotto.  Well, right now my wish is that enough people would support what I am doing and vote for Scrapbook Royalty click here:

http://bit.ly/rPywiw

so we can get $25k to keep this going till I come up with another big fiery plan!

I'm done hiding.

I unpublished my other blog because I was afraid of being judged or having certain people use it against me but I am done with all of that.

I have hope.  Hope does spring eternal.  I will be a Happy People no matter what.

And there is nothing anyone can do about it.

Want to know just how crazy deep it gets inside this little brain of mine?

http://ellifeworthliving.blogspot.com/

I hope that you....

1. DON'T JUDGE!  
2. LEARN COMPASSION
3. KNOW THAT IT IS NEVER AS IT SEEMS... JUST SCRATCH THE SURFACE.

But in the end, it is the one life I have and I love it so much.

and one of my favorite posts that still describes exactly how I feel...

http://ellifeworthliving.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-dont-want-to-be-alone.html

Its just me. Human girl, trying to make all I can of this gift.

Happiness turned upside down

Its been 2 years since I left my marriage and started this journey. It feels like 2 years for sure. And for 6 years I found my happiness in my charity. And in doing charity work. I would work every day and till all hours of the night happily finding peace in giving.

Then for the last few months my happiness has gotten turned upside down.

You may think its a bad thing but its not! Instead of wanting to work all the time and get up and rush to my computer to start another day... I found that I wanted to be with my new boyfriend and spend time with him and be a part of his life.  There is something so fulfilling about having someone love you and say nice things to you and not judge you and not try to change you and let you figure out on your own how to be in a safe happy relationship.  How to be good to him while being good to yourself.  It doesn't come naturally I don't think.  I feel like for most of my life I tried to be one or the other- either good to the other person sacrificing myself. or sacrificing my relationship to stand strong and be who I am.  This strange realization that I can choose to be whoever I want, to believe whatever I want and to be happy... that happiness is in fact a choice... well, it has changed my life.

I turned my happiness inside out.  I like it.  I'm a happy people. Are you? 


Here is a picture of my happiness. and a photo  of a tag i did for a tag swap for my other book club.  I love that these clubs make me create! and they make me happy!

Halloweenie!!

I think most people know I do love to dress up... Its a time to be anything you want. To be transported back in time or even waaaaay into the future.  I dressed in two costumes on Saturday.   Witch, and Bar Wench. It was fun.

And after all the craziness, of running around playing with kids and having fun... today I have a sore back and arms, I'm tired, and I'm back at work.

Ahhh..... 40 is gonna be great!

It's Coming!!!- What is it?

It's been creeping up on me, I've been watching it through my finger tips and smiling at it and maybe inside my heart a little hoping it would go away. But I am ready for it.  Really I am....

THE BIG 4-0!!

I am trying to plan something really fun.  I am not sure what.  I know we will have fun at the dinner on Saturday night at Seaside Soiree.  and of course I will be at Disneyland on my actual birthday but the weekend after is when I want to get out of San Diego and do something different.  Anyone have any ideas?  hook ups :)?  or tips?  I need suggestions!!

It's Coming!!!

Here is a little tag I created for a swap with my OTB girls.  We are open for new members if you want to join us! Here is a link to all the fun :)

I want this!!

I love this!! I want to marry it!!  I want it sooo bad!!!

(the clock, not the sleeping lazy dude)

What a great Harvest!

Harvest Festival that is!

It was our first time being invited to this really awesome event. Not exactly what we had planned but I met some amazing people, and I got to get to know some acquaintances much better so now I can really call them friends! I love it when that happens! When the universe does its' own thing and makes things happen one way so that other things can follow!

Be true...

its so easy to say and so hard to do.  Being true to yourself is a big journey. I'm going to try today to do exactly what will honor who I am and make me proud of who I am.  I am going to keep jealousy and negativity out of my heart. When I see it rear its ugly head, I am going to make a conscious effort to give myself an attitude adjustment.  I got good news from the doctor this weekend and I am going to make that my positive focus.  No, I'm not pregnant. :)  It's just good to know I am still normal and healthy.  A little two healthy maybe since my mom told me last night that my outfit made me look fat.  God love my mother! :)

Come on reality. Where are you?

I feel like I have been living in some alternate reality since my divorce.

Not because I am not a happy people. 

Not because I don't get up and work and play and go to bed just like everyone else. 

It's because for so long i feel like i have been looking for what i really really want. 

I have listed in previous posts some things that I really really want and they are all true. I just feel like something is missing.  I keep looking for this "thing" or "answer" to why I feel so incomplete sometimes.  I am not sure, but I think it has to do with the fact that I am constantly having to BE someone for someone else.  That it is so rare that I get to just be me.

Does anyone else feel this way?

And I don't mind being someone else here and there.  I think its the sales person in me that makes me a chameleon like that.  I was told a long time ago when I was working for Welcome Wagon, yes, Welcome Wagon, that I had the ability to talk to anyone and that made me a good sales person.  and I kind of like that.

And there are so many pressures around me all the time to

 do something with my life, 

to be a mother someday, to be a good friend,  to make my mother proud,

to  be happy. 

I think I might not have realized that what I really really want is to be myself and be happy with that. So living in this alternate universe where I don't always get to just be me, well, it makes it hard to just be me.

And blogging about this may not be the right thing to do because there are people that will read you blog just to find ways to criticize you.  But this is a good outlet for me, and I stopped blogging for a little while because I was worried about the criticism but now I just don't care.  Or at least I am hoping the real me won't :)

Its the weekend, and life is great! I'm going to try to just be me today.