Becoming a mother at 46 and the adventure of having a baby unicorn!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Meltdown #1

I have been trying to blog for months and even though i feel like I am being squeezed so hard in all directions, I have to sit and write this post.  For me.

Finding the Art Center space is such a huge blessing.

And for someone like me a a bit of a curse. 

I tend to overdo everything/take on too much.  I have a vision and I want it to go just as planned. Not having it go as planned is making me sick.

My brain, already having A.D.D. tendencies is spinnnig.  I feel like someone standing at the edge of a cliff all the time.  not a big cliff that could kill me :)  Just one that is daring me to jump off. Which is exciting and terrifying at the same time.

At the bottom of the cliff?  A HUGE GIANT ENORMOUS to do list that leads to my dreams coming true!

Every single thing on the list needs my attention in some way. I can't just hand things off or people (amazing volunteers who I am so grateful to) Everything needs guidance.

And the biggest scare as come in the form of money.  I have made the decision to personally fund the Art Center.  Not because I have money, but because I have credit and I have big dreams and big faith.  And because I know more people will sign up when they can see the center open and running.  It's just not happening right now.

My brother once told me  something like...I am not a philanthropist. Philanthropists have money. I am a person who wants to do good things.  This is exactly what I am and I hate that it requires money to do this.

THE REAL PROBLEM IS... I AM SCARED I CAN'T DO IT ALL. THAT I WILL FAIL. but im not going to stop so it's going to be what it is....

So if you read this far, you know my brain is not working right but I know I am doing the right thing and I know it will all work out, because it always does.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Still a happy people!

Now to go open an Art Center and bring free art to soooo many people!


Lura said...

oh hun, it will all work out. there are always gonna be bumps in the road, there have been so many times and somehow it all works out. i am with you all the way to do whatever i can and i know there are lots of us there for you. just keep thinking positive and we wont let anything stand in our way for long, somehow we will find a way thru it. and your dream will come true. with you and your dream always, lura

Cyn said...

Hey you, chin up! I know this is a BIG dream and sometimes big dreams can seem impossible but I have all the faith in the world in you and i KNOW you can do it. See all of those people behind you? We've got your back chickie!

Kat Baker said...

Hey sweet girl,
It's going to be ok. All you can do is your best, and you're doing that! After all, "What's the worse that can happen?" Is it life threatening? No!
I know you're looking at all the wonderful, positive things that have happened to get you here. It's such a good thing! Don't worry! You just keep building it and the money will come.
Love you,

Queen Bee said...

Oh Elena, You have given so much of yourself to reach this goal. Much good has already been given to many because of it and because of you. You are not superwoman! You can't do it all. You know how much we want to help, and we will, and your dreams will come true! Now take a wee rest and remember how brave you are!
Love you,

Anonymous said...

You've got this Elena!

Here's the trick, instead of focusing on the list of things you have to do, try writing down all the things you've accomplished in just the last few days! It will shock you. You've come so far already, keep breathing and don't sweat the small stuff. Yes, you've had some volunteers but ultimately you are the driver, this is your baby and you will be successful. Hell, you already are in my book! Chin up!