Becoming a mother at 46 and the adventure of having a baby unicorn!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

This breaks my heart.

I got an email yesterday from a fellow artist who warned me of a scam being emailed around about a woman who claims to be collecting money for one of the Sandyhook Elementary School shooting victims.  UGH!  Why do people do this?

I had gotten an email from this same woman during the Hurricane Sandy aftermath asking for donations and I did some research and it did not look legit so I didn't give.  I had planned to contact the woman since I see her on facebook, but then I got busy with Seaside Soiree and forgot.

Then... last night Matt told me about this story and this morning Paul also told me about it.

It's so sad because she says she is a victim of ememies in the crafting community.  OMG!!  the look on Anderson's face when he hears this is priceless! Seriously this video tells the story better than I can.

Charity Wings is a registered 501(c)(3) organization. We file taxes, we pay sales tax on auction items, we follow the rules and we are open for the public to scrutinize.  Whoever you give your money to should be just this open.


I want our organization to ALWAYS OPERATE ABOVE REPROACH.  Ask us anything. We are happy to answer any questions you have.

Here is what we are doing for Hurricane Sandy Victims:

"Hope" for Hurricane Sandy Canvas

Here is what we are doing for Newtown, CT:

"Hope" for a Change Canvas

Monday, November 05, 2012

"Hope" for Hurricane Sandy Victims

As Hurricane Sandy was approaching I knew I needed to come up with a plan to help with the aftermath and the devastation it was going to leave behind.  But how?  I just couldn't come up with a good idea.  Until one morning I woke to terrible news and I knew I absolutely had to...

It happened when I read a story about a woman who was driving and trying to evacuate with her 2 young boys (2&4 years old I believe). They stalled in a flooded road and she got out of her car, holding them both. The water was too strong and over powered her and her two young precious boys were swept out of her arms.  The story I read was about the boys bodies being found 3 days later.

I cried.
A lot.

It is a horror I couldn't imagine.

So after brainstorming and asking for suggestions, this is what I came up with.  I contacted a few friends and asked for their help.  I would start a canvas and then send it to the next person so they could add to it.  The catch was, it needed to be passed on within 2 days.  The response was instantaneous and positive.

Charity Wings is pre-selling 8x10 matted prints of the final product for $24.99+ shipping


(keep the free one for yourself!)


Please don't be sad if I did not ask you to be a part of this. I don't know how I picked these girls, it was just the way my heart and mind went this time :) there are about a million wonderful amazing artists I could have asked and I know most of them would say yes!

This is what I do.

I create opportunities for our community of Artists, Crafters, and Scrapbookers to do good.
This is the gift I was given and I am going to use it every day for as long as I can!

About the canvas:

I started with a 9x12 canvas and added a blue sky.  Because of course!  Blue skies are ahead.

Then I cut a heart out of chipboard and covered it with "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" sheet music.  Because of course! Rain brings rainbows.

Then I covered it with Hard Coat Mod Podge, inked with Tim Holtz Distress Ink (old paper and tattered rose) and glittered with Tattered Angles Chandelier Glam and Goosebumps shimmer spray

and Voila! A Canvas is started.

It's on it way to Jamie Dougherty and then the rest of the girls on the list.  See all of the fabulous artists by clicking here.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

I swear you can't know.

"Flying in the dark with my broken wing"
There is just no way possible. You may have had a lot of hard things happen to you, but you still don't know.

Unless you are in the exact same situation as me, you can't possibly know what it is like.
Have you spent years trying to get pregnant?
Have you spent thousands of dollars and been poked, stuck with needles daily, had your female parts explored in painful ways and tested for a million things only to have no answers?
Have you watched your family and friends get pregnant, some more than once?
Have you attended and thrown many baby showers and kids birthday parties and been "auntie" over and over again?
Have you had friends tell you, "you can have mine" or "my kids will be birth control for you" or "you dont want to have kids, they tie you down" or a million other things that are meant to make you feel better but just make you horribly sad?
Do you get reminded every 25 days that you are a failure at the thing that your body is naturally supposed to be engineered to do?
Do you see the look of disappointment in your mother's face?
Are you the odd man out on Mother's Day?
Have you waited your whole life to be part of "the mommy club" but no matter what "you can never understand because you don't have kids."

Do you know that "Once you pass 40, time is pitiless. You have about a 5 percent chance of getting pregnant in any single ovulation cycle and By age 43, a woman's chance of pregnancy plummets to 1 or 2 percent." (source)

and that I will be 41 in 2 months.

The level of pain, agony and frustration.
You can't possibly know.

If you do know. I would love to hear from you.  If you have been through this but then gotten pregnant than trust me, you don't know although you probably can imagine.

Of course, even with all this, I am still a Happy People.  And I know that everyone has pain and this is mine.  I am so lucky, I am so fortunate and I have so much to live for. I just have moments when I feel like I am flying in the dark with my broken wing.

Tuesday, October 02, 2012

I get all Kubler-Ross sometimes.

Figuring out my path...

I spend a lot of time self reflecting and trying to figure out why I react to things the way I do.  I have had so many amazing things happen in my life and they definitely make me a happy people but its the yucky things that happen that sometimes rear their ugly heads and all the mean-ness comes out.

I hold on to certain things and I hate that.  It takes one person saying one thing to me and it can put my mind in a tail spin for weeks.  I will focus on what the person said and it will eat me up.  I get all Kubler-Ross and have a hard time letting some things go.   I go through all the stages from denial- and hopefully to acceptance.  Not always to acceptance though.

I wonder if I am ever good enough. As happy as I am, I don't think I am ever good enough for me.  My life always feels like it is in such a state of flux. I never have a really good grasp on it.  I get scared to take real steps to make real big things happen for fear of failing.

I think I am scared that some day I will realize I am hiding behind some mask and the real me will be green and warty and selfish and not a good person.

Not sure why I am questioning so much right now but maybe it is because I have so much change coming in my life.  The Art Center is going to be amazing but I definitely have to free up some other things in my life to truly make that a success.  Its a little crazy!  I do feel a little

Monday, September 17, 2012

Sad on the inside, flying on the outside

This would be the title of my book right now. 

I'm frustrated.  It's not happening fast enough. I'm not doing it right. I can't communicate well. I feel like a failure.

And yet, I'm flying on the outside because my life is really really good.

Friday, September 14, 2012

and now adding to the resume... writer?

13,000 homeless kids in San Diego last year.

This number is shocking to me.  I found this out when I had a meeting at San Diego Youth Services (SYDS).  This means that throughout 2011 13,000 kids came though their system.  Some live in group homes, some get placed with Foster Parents, but they are all AT RISK.

I met with the CEO and Program Director of SDYS last week to discuss hosting art classes for the at risk youth that they serve.  I want to get programs going even before we open the art center. This will not be the only group that benefits from the Art Center.  There will be many others and we plan to use technology to be able to reach anyone anywhere!

This is how I see it:

If you don't have a Mom or Dad, who is taking photos of you and documenting your life?

I want to do "About Me" pages/art with these kids.  They can come to the Charity Wings Art Center and we can take their photo and print it if they like, then guide them through an "About Me" creative project.

Here is my "About Me" page today...

I think ideally it would be something like a scrapbook/art journal page/canvas, something like that.  But I really want it to be something that they might keep through their life journey and be able to look back on when they are older.

Who knows what talent a child might discover if they just have the opportunity.

or what skill they might find for coping with the life they are living today.

But ultimately, i hope it will be something that they keep through their life journey and be able to look back on when they are older.  I hope they will remember who they were today.

We learn so much when we look at where we came from.  It reminds us how strong and resilient we really are.


Saturday, September 08, 2012

sometimes you can't shake the ugly crap that happens to you.

I truly believe that our experiences shape who we are, why we do what we do, and most importantly our personalities.

The things that happen to us, good and bad create "thens"...

What is a "then"?

Its the other half to the "if"...

I learned about "if, then" in 5th grade at Flora Vista Elementary school in 1982 at before school computer class.  Yep, my mom put me in computer class in 5th grade. She really had high hopes for me.  Actually it was me and my little brother who was in 3rd grade I guess.  We will just say we were gifted and lucky to have an incredible mom.

Ok, so back to "if, then"

If A then B

It's crazy but our lives are all about reacting to the "if,thens"

If I want to buy a dress, then I need to make money.

If I want to see my friends, then I need to make plans with them.

If I need to make time for art, then I need to .... You get it!  :)

Sometimes the "if, then" is something we just have in our head and its totally wrong. It's something that someone in our lives has made us believe is true but really, it no longer applies.

To be less cryptic. Here is a just scratching the surface example:

In my past relationship I felt like if I went out with my friends, then I would have to deal with an upset significant other.

Now I don't have that relationship anymore but the "if, then" still applies. 

why? It's not fair!  And unfortunately it works both ways.  We react to others and other react to us.

"if" I want to change this reaction, "then" I need to understand it and "then" I can work on fixing it.

See how many "if,thens" you are automatically succumbing to and make a change!

Thursday, September 06, 2012

U B U. This is my new favorite

So I really get things stuck in my head. Don't you? 

If you know me at all, you know I am a HAPPY PEOPLE.  This came about several years ago when my friend Brooke called me and said she heard on the radio a list of ten things Happy People do.  I was like, "I'm a Happy People!" and Brooke said she was too. So that is what we set out to be.  Now, this was a tough time in both our lives. Crappy relationships and such but through it all, we just kept remembering that we are Happy People.

So now, I was at a neighborhood party with a dear sweet friend Rachel and her daughter showed up wearing a figure skating/gymnast/synchronized swimming/baton twirler/who knows what else outfit.  She is a super cute little girl so it just worked and Rachel said, "I saw her leaving the house wearing this and I just said, you go girl.  You be You."

So that is my new thing. 

You Be You.

Or U.B.U.

In fact, there is a whole bunch that has spawned off of this....

  • U.B.U.2
  • MeBMe3
  • WeBWe3
  • HeBHe4
I know the numbers dont make sense, they are kind of a funny we went with!  But anyway.

Smile, be a Happy People and U.B.U.!

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Me and the Queen of Craft Wars :)

I am going to make cards with the world!

Well, Andrea and I are going together.

 Lisa (on the left) is just a bonus in this photo :)

On October 6, 2012 We will travel to the land of Los Angeles.  We are going to be at CRAFTED at the Port of Los Angeles

playing with people who love what we love


If you will be in the area, please come see us in the Hydrangea Hippo Booth.

I will be teaching a 2-card make and take by Flower Soft. Make one for yourself and one for us to send to troops overseas!

and we will be LIVE STREAMING during the Creative Cynchronicity World Cardmaking Day event! 

And because we love  good raffle we will be pulling a winner each day for a basket worth $400!! in the
"Stop to Smell the Flowers with Charity Wings" Raffle

and support your favorite Traveling Princess Charity Fairy :)


Thursday, August 16, 2012

I'm really very selfish.

People gravitate to what they enjoy, what excites them, and what makes them feel good.

For me, it feels good to give.  That is why I do it.

It is the best feeling for me when people tell me how happy something I have done makes them.  Not just other charities, but my friends, family, co workers etc.

When I can go out of my way to do something for someone, when I can make something happen even though I have to get really resourceful and stay up late and not pee and not eat...  well, that part kind of sucks... but when I can make a sacrifice to do something for someone else...

Well, it is the best feeling for me.

So it is selfish. (shhh! don't tell) It's more for me than for anyone else.  Everyone else just gets a little bit of the happy that I feel.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Disney Squared!

Last week we went to Disneyland for Jakey Pants' 3rd Birthday. It was so fun! Our main goal was to see the renovations of California Adventure and Cars Land! Disney did not disappoint.  Although I think Walt would roll over in his grave at all the places to buy alcohol in the park now!  Wow.  It's kind of every where!  Interesting... Oh, not that I'm complaining :)

So we

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Don't tell me you can't. What you really mean is you won't.

Don't hate me for being frank. I'm not angry.  It's just another way to look at it... It's not meant to be a knock on people's ability to give, Its meant to be my perspective on the excuses people make.

I have a hard time with excuses. I mean, I get that they exist and that sometimes they are real and get in the way, but I really just have a hard time swallowing them sometimes.

Can't- hmmm... are you sure?

As in you can't afford _____________  but you will afford ___________.

I get it.  Money is tight. But when you stop to think about it, isn't it really just prioritizing/deciding where you want to spend your money?

I get it.  Most of us only have so much to spend.  We choose to spend it on the things that make us happy. On the things we want to spend it on and of course the things we need to spend it on. Whether or not we can afford it often times is not the deciding factor.

So "can't"?  Is that really what it is?

Maybe it's really "won't" or maybe "don't"

So for the people who do not have a choice and for the people who really need it.

I can, I will and I am grateful for others that have a hard time with excuses too.
It feels good to give.
I promise :)

Friday, August 03, 2012

My Art for Charity Gig....

My mind does not stop working.  Do you have one of these?

In the shower is the worst.  Or trying to fall asleep.  I have taken to listening to audio books just to give my brain a rest (yes, in the shower and when I go to bed-remember being read to sleep? I love it!)

And! I really love being able to present opportunities to the Arts and Crafts Community to Give.  I love that they respond in kind and let me know that they appreciate what I do.

Really though...  It's so not just me.

I have an amazing team that works with me and takes the madness that I make in my head (cause my brain does not stop working) and help to me make it all come to fruition.

Charity takes a village...

So let me introduce my team:

Since 1/2011 Sarah Han - (aka Sarah H or "Walk fast Sarah") Sarah came on as a research assistant and then became the administrative assistant but she does so much more.  She keeps me organized, grounded, and reigned in.  She is definitely the other half of my brain especially at events.  She and I have worked closely many many long hours to keep Charity Wings growing.  It's because of her commitment to the cause that I will be able to really make my dream for Charity Wings happen.  eek!  just wait. it's coming!

Since 1/2011 Robyn Olszowy- (aka Robyn MOD)- This amazing wonderful woman is our Volunteer Coordinator for events. She schedules and communicates with volunteers and moderates all of the LIVE from CHA events. She always takes time to add special touches of her handmade art and gifts to the events.  She is an incredibly generous sweet person that we all love.

Since 7/2011 Leslie Bass- (aka eBay Girl)- Leslie found us at Scrapbook Expo Del Mar and then she steeped up to be our eBay Girl! Talk about dedicated. If you have ever listed a single eBay auction, you know how much work it is.  Because of Leslie, we have been able to raise $5673 through 117 auctions.  Yep, that is amazing!

Since 1/2012 Paul Nguyen- (aka Paul the intern or Mr. "That's what she said.") Paul really started in 8/2011 helping with photographing the wing art but then he signed on as an intern beginning of this year.  Paul does the newsletter each week, makes signs for us, is our techie guy and is now learning how to update the website.  He keeps us all on our toes with his "That's what she saids".  I can't say much without those words following me around.  Yes, it's nice having a guy around sometimes. He took all the glass out of a huge broken picture frame for us too :)

Since 1/2012 Sarah Nedtwig (aka Sarah N. or "Talk fast Sarah") Sarah like Paul volunteered for a few tasks back in September of 2011 but as we got to know her and she got to know us and we knew she would be a great member of the team.  She coordinates the schedule for LIVE from CHA and is a wiz at getting us to where we need to be!  She is also the administrator for Club TLC and like everyone else pitches in for whatever needs to be done.  Her incredible attention to detail and follow up skills are what we really needed and have added so much to help us grow!

Since 6/2012 Cynthia Gagen (aka The Twitfacer)-  This is a term of endearment I swear! You may have heard it has a fancy hand gesture that goes with it too!

Rina Gonzales aka (Twitter Girl) and Wendy Crafts (aka Crafts)- Rina Tweets and Wendy makes tons of digi art for us! They are both super super super awesome1

Since 1/2011 Michele Ciola- (Techie Girl)- How many hours are you willing to work? Oh my has this girl put in some serious volunteer time. From making us blinkies to taking on editing all the footage from LIVE from CHA to being a moderator at the last event to being willing to take on all the editing again!  We really would be a techie mess without her!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Did you see my couture?

noun /ko͞oˈto͝or/  /-ˈtYr/ 
coutures, plural
  1.  French word for dressmaking, it generally refers to extremely individual and unique hand-made garments.
 This is what 4 awesome designers made for me to wear for LIVE from CHA.

I am so flattered to be able to show off their creations....

Here are photos of Day One wings by Kendra Wiggins, White Dress by Stephanie Liu, Paper Dress by Candy Rosenberg

good shot of the amazing wings by Kendra Wiggins!

Bernie Berlin and Claudine Helmuth interview for A Place to Bark.  Bernie is willing to do ALMOST anything for her cause. Hence the doggie hat :)

Donna Salazar, Sherry Mendoza, Bernie Berlin and Claudine Helmuth all support Charity Wings and our efforts to raise money and awareness for great causes!

Jacqueline from Le Blanche is always a big hit of the show with her amazing demos! I love translating her German English for her! If you watch, you will know what I mean :)

Jim Scatena from FloraCraft was the first one to really support and get behind what we do. I will always be grateful!

Sharon from Prima showed us all the great stuff!  Here is a good shot of the paper dress.  I was only able to wear it for about an hour because I couldn't move in it! :)

This is what it looks like behind the scenes...

Steve and Cathie Mod Podge goodness!

King Sam from Le Blanche gets a new crown every show.

Designer Chat day one making funny faces!

 This is just day one and just a snippet of the amazing people and interviews we did.  I will post more in the coming days.  I am truly a super super Happy People!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

If you feel like a good read....

I have to do this... I have to tell you...I want to be understood...

My job gives me Wings to Fly!
It's a whirlwind of emotion trying to raise money these days. I tell you every time I plan an event I ask myself, I say "self... :) are you going to spend hours and hours planning and marketing an event to just raise a few hundred dollars?"  Seriously, that is what happens a lot these days. And, when that happens it is such a blow because I AM GOOD AT THIS!!  I am a good fundraiser, I could go door to door in my neighborhood and raise a few hundred dollars in a couple of hours!  Really! Ask anyone! And I don't even live in a nice neighborhood...

I have been doing this for 8 years as a volunteer. Don't misunderstand... I LOVE WHAT I DO.  

I want to raise $5000 for A Place to Bark.
When I started the whole LIVE from CHA adventure 2 years ago.... I tried to add lots and lots to the event to make it all enticing for people to sign up.  Whew did I almost work myself and the volunteers to their graves! It was crazy.  The kitting, the videos, the ebay. Oh my! the amount of work that went into raising a couple thousand dollars was extraordinary.

But I thought to myself.  This is also to raise awareness for the charities, as well as for Charity Wings.  So its still a very good thing.

The next show we improved but still waaaay to much work for the amount of money raised...

The next show even better. but still... the money just was not coming in.  So this time we eliminated a lot of the work (kitting and ebay) and we stuck to prizes.  People love to win stuff.  So now we have all these amazing prizes  ($4500 worth) and a really fun LIVE show so what is missing?


Not to say there are not alot of sign ups, there are, but my goal was to raise $5000 for A Place to Bark though this amazing raffle and show. So back to the whirlwind of emotion. WE ARE ONLY 1/2 WAY THERE.  :( AND THE EVENT IS LESS THAN A WEEK AWAY.


I know people say its the economy.  THAT IS SUCH A LOAD OF C*#%! People spend money on what they want to spend money on. I totally get that and it is their right to choose where they want their dollars to go.  But it's not the economy.  You can walk into Starbucks any time of day and know that I am right.  There are thriving events out there. They are just not for CHARITY.

So here is what I want to leave you with...

The charities and organizations that help people/animals less fortunate than you and I need our help even more now. With the world tightening it's belt, charitable giving has been hit hard.  For so many their budgets and abilities to keep operations going have been cut dramatically.  AND THE NEED IS EVEN GREATER!

My friend Bernie Berlin runs a wonderful rescue called A Place to Bark.  They rescue all kinds of animals from puppy mills, hoarder dwellings, abandoned buildings and more.... They have a great need right now for supplies to take care of the animals, medical bills, and general maintenance.

I want to raise $5000 to help them.

Buy a raffle ticket for $10 or buy 5 raffle tickets for $20.  Even if you don't care a lick about crafting or winning a prize, I know you care about others and I KNOW YOU HAVE THE MONEY because you have a computer and are on the internet! HA!

You can be sure your money is going to help a creature that is truly in need.  3000 animals saved so far says it all.

Learn more about A Place to Bark here:

Thank you for reading and for your support :)

Monday, July 09, 2012

Am I industrial Chic?

I know I want to be!

I got this package of goodies from Susan Lenart Kazmer's peeps with some really really cool pieces from her new Industrial Chic line that is launching!

 I was asked to make something in my style and share it here.  I just fell in love with all the pieces but if you know me, I had to deconstruct them to make them my own.  So I took apart the biggest piece to make a center piece for my necklace. Then I tore a paper heart from book paper and ICE Resined it on.  Yes, that is a a verb. :)

I love the way the piece came out!

 We are  blog hopping so please check out the other artists! There is one per day! and Don't forget to visit the Industrial Chic Blog for lots of updates and ideas!

July 6              Ken Oliver                           
July 7              Vicki O'Dell                          
July 8              Cindy Cima Edwards       
July 9              Elena Lai Etcheverry (me !)   
July 10           Jen Osborn                        
July 11           Wanda Eash                          
July 12           Terri O                                  
July 13           Susan Weckesser             
July 14           Tracy  Weinzapfel                                

And leave me a comment below. I will choose one person to win a ticket to LIVE from CHA!

and please like Charity Wings on Facebook and Follow us on Twitter! To keep up with all the great ways we use Art for Good!

The fun continues in August with ANOTHER Blog Hop for Industrial Chic.  Here are the artists participating in the August Blog Hop:

August 10th -  Barbe St. John

August 11th -  Cheryl Bodkins Waters

August 12th -  Cindi Bisson

August 13th -  Gretchen McHale

August 14th -  Jenny Barnet Rohrs

August 15th -  Kari McKnight

August 16th -  Lindsay Obermeyer

August 17th -  Seth Apter

August 18th-   Suze Weinberg

August 19th -  Tami Bayer

August 20th -  Theresa Cifali

August 21st -  Tracie Stivers Lampe

August 22nd -  Traci Bautista

August 23rd -  Jen Crossley

August 24th -   Eileen Hull

August 25th -   Pam Carriker

August 26th -  Sandy Martin

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Traveling does has some perks

I have to say my fav part about traveling and well, my fav part about what I do is the people I get to meet.
Last weekend I was at the Great American Scrapbook Convention in Chantilly, VA.  A loooong way to travel for an event but it was so worth it!

First, I have to give a shout out to the volunteers... They make what I do possible.

I got to see two of my Asian co-horts, Tong and Moira. They are the step children of my life long friend Giovanna and I was so happy they came to help me! I don't know what I would have done without them!

And I got to meet a very charitable doll maker, Elizabeth Taylor. Yep. that is her name :) She makes the most beautiful teddy bears and dolls!  She volunteered the first day and what a huge help she was!

And I got to hang out with Jennifer Priest for 2 night which we have not done in sooo long and it was so fun. We chatted till waaaay too late each night but it was so wonderful to hang out with her.

And I got to hang out with Eileen Hull, Traci Bautista and Lorine Mason.  3 amazing designers that I usually only see at CHA tradeshows. What a treat to get to spend time outside of the show.

And the show was topped off by Jenni Bowlin who signed up to be featured for LIVE from CHA!  Whoo hoo!  I love interviewing her and she is such an amazing charitable spirit. Thanks Jenni for supporting again!

So much goes on at these shows. The best part is the people.

Here are a few pics of some of the peeps I got to see!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Tent Parties, Friends and Bacon

Anyone that knows me knows I love being with people.  I love being with my boyfriend and his adorable kids and I love cute little piggies and I love to eat them (bacon)

So when my friend Cheryl suggested we do our next Club TLC chat in a tent on the beach, I was so excited!  She sent me this photo first:
more images of this adorable shoot on the Bohemian Twilight Blog

And then I searched and found this:
On the Bohemian Treehouse Blog

And then we went to Miss Vicky's for her bday and we did this:

It took me back to when we were little kids and made forts all over the house just to sit under and play. It felt so safe in those little spaces and decorating was so much fun!

So we are going with the bohemian tent theme for our Booth and Summer CHA Tradeshow and we are going to have the most awesome awesome tent at Seaside Soiree!  Which is half full so hurry up if you want to come!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

It's one of those days and I am not alone.

A few weeks ago it was National Infertility Week. It finally hit me that there actually is a cause I "belong to". I have always said that I don't choose just one charity to support because I don't really have any diseases, or illnesses, or disabilities, etc... etc... that are in my family.  But now I know I do.

And it's me. I'm the one with the disability

It's not my mom, its not my brother, it's not my children that compel me to rally behind a cause.  Rather it's my lack of children.

Not being able to have children is the most agonizing, depression inducing, cry until you make your self vomit, anxiety ridden, open wound, haunting, lonely part of my life I am having to live through it.

And then it was Mother's Day.  And for the first time in my life, two people, well, three people actually, said happy mother's day to me.  Not because I am a mother, well, not because I have given birth to children, but because there are now two little boys in my life that I can "mother" or rather "nurture".  They are not my flesh and blood, and they have a fine mother that loves them just as a mother should. But every week for part of the week, I get to care for them and it has filled a small part of the gaping hole in my heart that nothing will ever totally fill.

And then I read this post about Mother's Day and specifically this part:

"To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you
To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you
To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you
To those who experienced loss this year through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you
To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.
To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you
To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you
To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you
To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you
To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience
To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst
To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you
And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you
This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you."

and now I know why I honor the women in my life.  And why I honor my own mother to the highest degree, and that Mother's Day is for everyone that has ever cared, nurtured, yearned for, or held a child in their heart.

It's not always roses but I am a Happy People. Art is my expressive outlet. Sometimes it is happy art, sometimes it is dark art but it is always therapeutic.  Need a close up?  yes, that is a bloody screw poking out of my heart. Am I a dramatic artist or what?  Well, sometimes I just feel screwed.

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

the Odd Show Live Supports

Sometimes I just don't know how to accept that people actually believe in what I do.  I know I believe in what I do, but I love it so much it hardly seems like a job.  So the fact that I get to get up each day and do something I love...


I feel spoiled.

And then these guys came along

And they are supporting in an amazing way and all I can say is "Thank you from the bottom of my little heart with wings :)" ODD SHOW PEEPS YOU DEFINITELY GOT WINGS!!!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Color Run Fun!

DON'T BE TOO JEALOUS! We are doing it again

November 3, 2012.

Join team "Charity Wings"
kids 5 and under are free. 

This was too much fun!

Charity Wings Color Run Team

My little angel
You can never have enough wings
after the first color station
finish line

girls with wings

Elena Harah and Narah

A Hug from a rainbow

All Done and too much fun!