So, I have made a decision to make my real dream come true and that puts me on a path that I have to start alone. That means without the man that has stood by my side and been an incredible rock for the past two years. It's really hard to let go of something that is basically perfect, but ultimately takes me farther away from my dream.
There is something in this life that I want more than Paul Malone and that is to be a mother.
This breaks my heart and fills me with sadness. We both know it's the right thing to do. As someone that has already raised a family, it is not his dream to raise another human being and I respect that so much. Our lives are so intertwined, its not the end of our story. We will have an amazing friendship that will last our whole lives. We love each other and that will not change.
I am not sure of many things. I don't really believe in absolutes. There is just one thing in this world I know without a doubt and that is that I am meant to be a mother. I don't know how to make that desire go away. I cry for that child that my human nature and internal clock have been at war for. If I could just let the dream go, I wouldn't have to give up on the most beautiful relationship I could imagine at this point in my life.
So for now, I will walk the empty halls of my home and mourn for the relationship I am giving up for the relationship that I have to find.