Becoming a mother at 46 and the adventure of having a baby unicorn!

Saturday, October 29, 2016

It occurred to me yesterday...

As I was riding the roller coasters at Disneyland with Paul I realized that this roller coaster ride is not just about me anymore. I post on this blog, and on Facebook etc. so that I can hopefully raise awareness or bring a needed message to someone that it might resonate with, but really, this journey is so much more than mine.

So, back up a little. I wanted to go to Disneyland with Paul because 1) its always fun! 2) he bought me a pass for my bday last year and we have barely used it. 3) It's fun to watch Paul Malone let his "kid" out sometimes and 4) I am hoping this will apply to me very soon.

So we went, rode all the roller coasters and it was a very fun day.  I did check Facebook a couple of times during the day and I saw that the photos I had posted about my uterine lining measurement was blowing up.  Well, for me, 300 plus likes is blowing up!

So, here I am at Disneyland and all of the sudden I get this feeling like.  I might disappoint all these people!!!  What if this doesn't work.  I already know how I will feel.  I just try not to think about it.  But what about my village?!?!!

The way social media has evolved, it really does feel like all of these people are cheering me on as I am battling these demons and holding their breath hoping that the demons don't swallow me up.

But what if they do.

Trying not to think about it.

Monday, October 03, 2016

My 5 day flight.

Last Thursday I disconnected from my electronics, social media, family, work, and people I love.

Today I'm driving back to my life a changed girl.

I met these amazing women.

Abby, you're sweet, youthful, and wise beyond your years. Just starting your journey and yet you have already come so far. Let's go to Taiwan together.

Amanda, you are a warrior. Thank you for feeling like me. It makes "me" a thousand times more bareable. You are so so beautiful.

Kolleen, you started my journey by knowing I was scared and pointed it out to the people who needed to know so I could feel safe. I am so grateful for your intuition and nurturing. My red bracelet brought fresh blood to my wounds and helped to heal me.

Melissa, you reminded me that I need to find more time for my body. And that opening your heart is scary and I am not the only one that feels this way. Strong and reserved and somehow still carrying an open heart.

Meredith, you fed my body and soul and I didn't know food could have so much intention before so thank you for teaching  me that. I can't wait to eat my vegetable with you again.

Eve, your spirit is sooooooooo soothing. I felt like I was connecting with someone from another world. I admire your heart.

Jennifer/Heather, I loved our walk. I loved our baller jacuzzi time. I loved when you were quiet and when you let lose and said the most amazingly right on things. I will be sending you foxy love on your marathon.

Tonia, you have the patience and heart of a Saint. Thank you for collaborating on my medicine pouch. I will treasure it always.

Jen Lake, San Diego calls us back and I am feeling like the luckiest person because I get to leave here and still see you. Rainbows, unicorns, giggles, and OLSPS . I can't wait to play again.

Denise, my wondeful bed mate. I am in awe of what you do. It's a beautiful thing to heal people through Art. I loved getting your energy while I slept. I think it was just what I needed.

Jeanette, I connected with your energy. It provided so much spiritual guidance these past few days. I feel your pain and I offer up my pain in hopes that you can be soothed at least a little bit.

Christine, every time I looked at you, your ever smiling eyes let me know I was in a safe place. You look at people with kindness and love and exude it. That is such a special gift.

Jen Jen Jen. Your beauty holds no bounds.  The fox tail will sit on my baby alter in a place of honor and I will pray for the magic that it holds to join my soul. You guide, I'll follow.