Becoming a mother at 46 and the adventure of having a baby unicorn!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

It's time!

Life needs to get a move on.... There are boxes and boxes piled up in the garage of this place I call home. I don't know how to take that final step out the door and never come back but I am being forced to. Who is forcing me? i am not totally sure but I think it's just life. I'm just about ready though. Saturday is D-Day. I have family and friends coming over to help me move the stuff into a storage unit that i rented today. I hate putting my stuff in there. Storage is where stuff goes to die. I hope mine makes it...

I can't wait till next week when I am with all my crafting supplies and able to create again. I miss it!

This part of my adventure has come with some perks. I met two really awesome people while i was in SF visiting Shelley and wearing her costumes...

Deano and Karima made my first visit to the world of Burning Man so much fun. I am almost convinced that i need to go. It's so much more than I ever thought it was and I am almost convinced that it is an experience that i need to have at least once in this lifetime!

Thank you Smell and Renee for your hospitality in your beautiful SF home. And thank you Karima and Deano for an unforgettable night. I had a great time and it was a perfect distraction!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Garage Sale help me please!!

It's finally starting to get ugly around here. I have to move like yesterday and I want to sell as much stuff as possible since I will be staying at my brother's house temporarily.

Please please come to my Garage Sale

6428 Peinado Way
San Diego, CA 92121

Saturday & Sunday 10/17-10/18
7 am till ???

Please pass this on to anyone you know that lives in my area.

very much appreciate all the love and support for my wonderful family and friends.

Its been sooooooo hard. I am still sooooo overwhelmed and every time I feel better, I get punched back into reality.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Crazy long time! crazy full life!!

I have been wanting to post but just didn't know what to say. My life is finally turning around and I know that I have a bright positive amazing future ahead of me and I look forward to it. Its been a heck of a ride so far and i dont want the rollercoaster to stop.

So i drove up to San Francisco by myself! yes! all by myself! I think the furthest I have driven alone before is Disneyland! It was an amazing adventure full of phone chatting and face book. I can't help it! im a social fairy! I actually planned this trip with every intention of it closing the guilt bubble for me.

Here is what that is all about...

When I met Jean-Claude I had already laid my plans for moving to Taiwan. I was going to go there study Mandarin, learn about my culture and teach English. I had no intention of moving back stateside again for a long time if ever.... One of the last things i wanted to do before I left Cali was to drive up the 1 with my top down in my little miata. So I planned my trip, was going to stop in Monterrey to see Neddy B and my name sake Sydney Elena, and then head to SF to see other friends. I was all set when Jean offered to go with me and then he wanted to drive. I said he could come if we went in my car. top down in the Miata. he some how talked me into going in the Landcruiser and my trip was just not going to happen. So now I am in SF, I am visiting my wonderful friend Smell, (shelley :) and I will be leaving on Weds to drive down the 1 and take that trip and come full circle from where I was in 2001 when I met my husband. I seriously can't wait. I want to drive fast along the cliffs with the water below and a big sharp drop and THE TOP DOWN! I know that this is what I need to be able to take that last step. To be able to walk out the door and know that the house I have lived in for the last 7 years is no longer my home. It's hard but I can do it! I know I can!

Last night I went to "decompression" is a burning man 1 month reunion in SF. If you know what the Burning Man Project is you know that other than the social aspect of it, it is so not me. But Smell dressed me up as "lady luck" and off i went. Karima my new lovely friend was my guide and partner in crime for the night. I will leave the rest to your imagination but it was tons of fun and i got my sparkle back!

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Sparkle gone... i want it back

Yesterday I had a really nice distraction with a get together of some of the SBR volunteers. During dinner my friend Georgia told me to look at her and when I did she said, "Yup, your sparkle is gone" Wow. What do you say to that. Everyone tried to joke it off and offer me glitter and I said, " i need to get it back" or something like that. But it stuck with me. My sparkle is gone and I really need to get it back. I know Georgia was not saying it to be mean, it was just poignant. She is very wise.

I know the first step is to move out. It's just hard. Every time I try to pack a box I just get paralyzed with emotion and fear. What is waiting for me out there in that big scary reality we call life?

So I am trying to leave, but for some reason I keep looking back.
I hope when I finally do grow a pair and just make it happen that my sparkle will indeed return.