Becoming a mother at 46 and the adventure of having a baby unicorn!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Meltdown #1

I have been trying to blog for months and even though i feel like I am being squeezed so hard in all directions, I have to sit and write this post.  For me.

Finding the Art Center space is such a huge blessing.

And for someone like me a a bit of a curse. 

I tend to overdo everything/take on too much.  I have a vision and I want it to go just as planned. Not having it go as planned is making me sick.

My brain, already having A.D.D. tendencies is spinnnig.  I feel like someone standing at the edge of a cliff all the time.  not a big cliff that could kill me :)  Just one that is daring me to jump off. Which is exciting and terrifying at the same time.

At the bottom of the cliff?  A HUGE GIANT ENORMOUS to do list that leads to my dreams coming true!

Every single thing on the list needs my attention in some way. I can't just hand things off or people (amazing volunteers who I am so grateful to) Everything needs guidance.

And the biggest scare as come in the form of money.  I have made the decision to personally fund the Art Center.  Not because I have money, but because I have credit and I have big dreams and big faith.  And because I know more people will sign up when they can see the center open and running.  It's just not happening right now.

My brother once told me  something like...I am not a philanthropist. Philanthropists have money. I am a person who wants to do good things.  This is exactly what I am and I hate that it requires money to do this.

THE REAL PROBLEM IS... I AM SCARED I CAN'T DO IT ALL. THAT I WILL FAIL. but im not going to stop so it's going to be what it is....

So if you read this far, you know my brain is not working right but I know I am doing the right thing and I know it will all work out, because it always does.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Still a happy people!

Now to go open an Art Center and bring free art to soooo many people!