Becoming a mother at 46 and the adventure of having a baby unicorn!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

What a great Harvest!

Harvest Festival that is!

It was our first time being invited to this really awesome event. Not exactly what we had planned but I met some amazing people, and I got to get to know some acquaintances much better so now I can really call them friends! I love it when that happens! When the universe does its' own thing and makes things happen one way so that other things can follow!

Monday, September 12, 2011

Be true...

its so easy to say and so hard to do.  Being true to yourself is a big journey. I'm going to try today to do exactly what will honor who I am and make me proud of who I am.  I am going to keep jealousy and negativity out of my heart. When I see it rear its ugly head, I am going to make a conscious effort to give myself an attitude adjustment.  I got good news from the doctor this weekend and I am going to make that my positive focus.  No, I'm not pregnant. :)  It's just good to know I am still normal and healthy.  A little two healthy maybe since my mom told me last night that my outfit made me look fat.  God love my mother! :)

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Come on reality. Where are you?

I feel like I have been living in some alternate reality since my divorce.

Not because I am not a happy people. 
Not because I don't get up and work and play and go to bed just like everyone else. 

It's because for so long i feel like i have been looking for what i really really want. 

I have listed in previous posts some things that I really really want and they are all true. I just feel like something is missing.  I keep looking for this "thing" or "answer" to why I feel so incomplete sometimes.  I am not sure, but I think it has to do with the fact that I am constantly having to BE someone for someone else.  That it is so rare that I get to just be me.

Does anyone else feel this way?

And I don't mind being someone else here and there.  I think its the sales person in me that makes me a chameleon like that.  I was told a long time ago when I was working for Welcome Wagon, yes, Welcome Wagon, that I had the ability to talk to anyone and that made me a good sales person.  and I kind of like that.

And there are so many pressures around me all the time to
 do something with my life, 
to be a mother someday, to be a good friend,  to make my mother proud,
to  be happy. 

I think I might not have realized that what I really really want is to be myself and be happy with that. So living in this alternate universe where I don't always get to just be me, well, it makes it hard to just be me.

And blogging about this may not be the right thing to do because there are people that will read you blog just to find ways to criticize you.  But this is a good outlet for me, and I stopped blogging for a little while because I was worried about the criticism but now I just don't care.  Or at least I am hoping the real me won't :)

Its the weekend, and life is great! I'm going to try to just be me today.