Not because I am not a happy people.
Not because I don't get up and work and play and go to bed just like everyone else.
It's because for so long i feel like i have been looking for what i really really want.
I have listed in previous posts some things that I really really want and they are all true. I just feel like something is missing. I keep looking for this "thing" or "answer" to why I feel so incomplete sometimes. I am not sure, but I think it has to do with the fact that I am constantly having to BE someone for someone else. That it is so rare that I get to just be me.
Does anyone else feel this way?
And I don't mind being someone else here and there. I think its the sales person in me that makes me a chameleon like that. I was told a long time ago when I was working for Welcome Wagon, yes, Welcome Wagon, that I had the ability to talk to anyone and that made me a good sales person. and I kind of like that.
And there are so many pressures around me all the time to
do something with my life,
to be a mother someday, to be a good friend, to make my mother proud,
to be happy.
I think I might not have realized that what I really really want is to be myself and be happy with that. So living in this alternate universe where I don't always get to just be me, well, it makes it hard to just be me.
And blogging about this may not be the right thing to do because there are people that will read you blog just to find ways to criticize you. But this is a good outlet for me, and I stopped blogging for a little while because I was worried about the criticism but now I just don't care. Or at least I am hoping the real me won't :)
Its the weekend, and life is great! I'm going to try to just be me today.