Becoming a mother at 46 and the adventure of having a baby unicorn!

Tuesday, October 02, 2012

I get all Kubler-Ross sometimes.

Figuring out my path...

I spend a lot of time self reflecting and trying to figure out why I react to things the way I do.  I have had so many amazing things happen in my life and they definitely make me a happy people but its the yucky things that happen that sometimes rear their ugly heads and all the mean-ness comes out.

I hold on to certain things and I hate that.  It takes one person saying one thing to me and it can put my mind in a tail spin for weeks.  I will focus on what the person said and it will eat me up.  I get all Kubler-Ross and have a hard time letting some things go.   I go through all the stages from denial- and hopefully to acceptance.  Not always to acceptance though.

I wonder if I am ever good enough. As happy as I am, I don't think I am ever good enough for me.  My life always feels like it is in such a state of flux. I never have a really good grasp on it.  I get scared to take real steps to make real big things happen for fear of failing.

I think I am scared that some day I will realize I am hiding behind some mask and the real me will be green and warty and selfish and not a good person.

Not sure why I am questioning so much right now but maybe it is because I have so much change coming in my life.  The Art Center is going to be amazing but I definitely have to free up some other things in my life to truly make that a success.  Its a little crazy!  I do feel a little

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