I am bleeding again. Its amazing how your mind protects you and then when it gets done processing the information it can completely betray you and all the hurt and pain just comes rushing in. I just picked up final d-i-v-o-r-c-e papers a couple of days ago. I didn't look at them because I was not ready. Then today I was meeting with Jo Ann my friend and the attny for SBR and I showed them to her. When she explained it to me I was shocked. I mean how can it be that I am out of the house, he is out of my life, and I can still feel controlled by him? I just don't get it.
He will not see it that way at all. And in fact, he probably doesn't even mean it like that. I know he is hurting but he is just not that cruel. Or at least that is how I want to remember him.
Its just so hard to love someone and have them hurt and have you be the cause of that hurt and then in turn you hurt too.
And really, it is just legalities but Oh my gosh. I just feel like a wall came SLAMMING down in my reality and I just got STABBED and now I am BLEEDING all over again.
I am pulling out my book of Truths that I made at Brave Girls Camp. I am going to read it and try to get centered. I am going to try to let those truths speak to me and try to believe them...
In fact, here are some photos of my book.