My ramblings as a lover of adventure, all things crafty,art, life, and mostly bacon....

Friday, February 26, 2010

You think its over but then... Slam! Stab. Bleeding...

I am bleeding again. Its amazing how your mind protects you and then when it gets done processing the information it can completely betray you and all the hurt and pain just comes rushing in. I just picked up final d-i-v-o-r-c-e papers a couple of days ago. I didn't look at them because I was not ready. Then today I was meeting with Jo Ann my friend and the attny for SBR and I showed them to her. When she explained it to me I was shocked. I mean how can it be that I am out of the house, he is out of my life, and I can still feel controlled by him? I just don't get it.

He will not see it that way at all. And in fact, he probably doesn't even mean it like that. I know he is hurting but he is just not that cruel. Or at least that is how I want to reme
mber him.

Its just so hard to love someone and have them hurt and have you be the cause of that hurt and then in turn you hurt too.

And really, it is just legalities but Oh my gosh. I just feel like a wall came SLAM
MING down in my reality and I just got STABBED and now I am BLEEDING all over again.

I am pulling out my book of Truths that I m
ade at Brave Girls Camp. I am going to read it and try to get centered. I am going to try to let those truths speak to me and try to believe them...

In fact, here are some photos of my book.

















I

6 comments:

Rachel said...

Sorry sweetie that you are going through this. Believe your truths! Hang in there and call me if you ever need to! Love you!

Nancy said...

As the cliche goes, beentheredonethat-havethetshirt - and please, believe me, the hurt will stop. A divorce is an extremely traumatic experience & it hits you over & over again - scabs form, come off, you bleed. BUT, you also heal. Sometimes, not as quickly as you'd like, but you do. My mantra became, as I healed, I like who I am & what I've survived has made me who I am. I don't wish the experience on anyone, but, it helped me become who I am now - and for that, I'm grateful.
Brave Girls Camp was well-timed for you & I'm sure your book of truths will help you work through all you're dealing with. (Boy, I sound smart, don't I? *lol*) Please know you're not alone - many, many people care about you (me included) & are sending you healing thoughts. I wish you well, Elena ... Though we don't really "know" one another, please feel free to contact me at any time.

Lisa said...

Hugs Elena. I am so sorry you are hurting.

Camille said...

MWAH~ Big big big hug and kiss. I'm sorry your hurting. Remember, the truths are real. :)

geogems said...

the T-R-U-T-H is...you are loved by so many people, don't dwell on the ONE that is history. The past is just that---past. Time to move on, Princess. I don't mean that mean:) You can never heal the hurts of the world, but you make the worls better by your presence. love you, geo

Gloria said...

wow..Elena,
dude.I am here in boulder ..I brought the kids to him because he is too busy to go see his kids...dude..It f--suks..You must remember like me to speak our truth..know you are beautiful inside and out..know you are loved by many and yup..life can be seriously not ok..and yes it hurts ..I am sorry girlfriend..I am so sorry...I love you a-lot..just because I see you in all your freaking cuteness and that girl rocks...