The painful but right decision to move on from this marriage.
the "it" factor-
I am 37 and although i know that is young for some, it is old for me when i look at what i had hoped to accomplish in my lifetime. The main thing is to become a mother. At this point in time, i will never accomplish this goal with my husband and i will not be fulfilled or content to live a life without children. This is not the only reason but the one i can openly share.
Everyday just takes me one step farther from the life i want to lead and it is has created a valley of resentment that holds a marriage worth of anxiety and issues.
"it" is over-
It has taken all my strength to tell him that I am leaving. I knew it was my one chance to really tell him how I felt. There was no need to fear a fight, there was just the agony of all the pain i was causing.
Now that i walked that plank, the water actually feels refreshing. For a while there, drowning would have been preferable.
He listened and then responded and in the end, he didn't fight for me and i am grateful to him for that. Because he is such a good man and if only...
"it" is time
So now after having a week long pity party for myself and hearing from tons of friends and family. I am brushing myself off and pulling myself back into the life I know I am destined for. I don't just say i am a happy people- I really really am. I know that I will survive this. I have never doubted that. The pain and heartache just got in the way of seeing a clear alternate path.
Coming out from a haze inevitably makes the sunshine brighter. I needed that to be able to see where I am going.
So, no more mountain analogies. I am fine. I will be great. life is beautiful and I can see that with great pain will come great hapiness and I will be a happy people again.
and that is "it"-
To those of you that have reached out to me with words of wisdom and shared your own stories of pain, thank you. Thank you for showing me that life happens to us all and I am not alone.
Feeling pain means you are alive and with tomorrow comes another day of challenges and struggles but you have to find the hapiness and make it yours.
So I look forward to what tomorrow brings and my Happy People adventure continues.