Becoming a mother at 46 and the adventure of having a baby unicorn!

Sunday, May 13, 2018

It's been a year. I woke up crying.

A year ago I unpublished my blog to get through the journey and very big challenging roller coaster of IVF cycles and procedures.  It was mother's day and I woke up crying as I have done on this day for many painful years, and wrote the previous post.  Today was no different. 

I woke up crying. These are different tears.

I woke up feeling the Baby Unicorn moving in my belly and those were tears of immeasurable joy. 

I woke up thinking of all the women in the world who feel pain and deep sorrow for their babies, born, unborn, deceased, twinkling stars in the universe not here on earth with them.  These are tears of solidarity and understanding.

"Is infertility a common problem? Yes. About 10 percent of women (6.1 million) in the United States ages 15-44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).Feb 9, 2018"

The pain is unexplainable to the other 90% of the world. It's a unique emotional pain that burns through your heart and lingers there waiting to be reignited over and over again by the slightest breeze. I want to remember this pain, but I am starting to forget. I want to release it, but I know I need to hold on to it because it was such a huge part of my strength for so long and if I let it all go, I will miss something so powerful that it kept me going on my 10+ year journey of becoming a mother.  I am not the same person as the one that wrote my last blog post one year ago and yet I am the same person because this journey left a scar on my heart that keeps me aware of what real pain is and keeps me compassionate for those still on that journey.

I am going to journey back in time eventually I hope but for now I am so happy to report that on November 20th, 2017  1 embryo was transferred and on December 1st, 2017, I found out that it finally worked!  That I am going to be a mother, the one thing I have never doubted I wanted my whole life! Thank you for being on this journey with me.  I will be livestreaming on Facebook and Instagram every Friday at 4pm Pacific Time and I hope you can join me. m

10 weeks
27 weeks

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